Sex Jokes

I love the lines men use to get us into bed.
"Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I, a microwave?

Why don't men fake orgasm?
→ Coz no man would pull those faces on purpose.

Whats the difference between erotic and kinky?
→ Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm?
→ He is usually home with the kids!

Why do men become smarter during sex?
→ Because they are plugged into a genius.

How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
→ She drops her nail-file!

Why don't blondes like anal sex?
→ They don't like their brains being screwed with.

While participating is the Olympics a young gymnast had her first sexual experience, going to bed with a stunning foreign participant. Upon returning to her hometown, she promptly went to confession. After receiving absolution, the gymnast was so delighted that she did cartwheels down the aisle to the door. Waiting her turn, Old Mrs. Ole said to her friend, "can you believe what Father Johnson is giving for penance? Of all the days for me not to be wearing panties."

A guy waiting at the bus stop wearing chains, leather jaket, and leather pants and his hair in long spikes each a different color. An old man at the bus stop looked and looked at the guy, finally, the guy said to the old man: "haven't you ever done anything crazy and wild in your life" and the old man said "yah, I have, I once made it with a peacock and I was wondering if your my son"

A man walks into a tattoo parlor and says he would like a $100 dollar bill on his dick.
Well the tattoo artist laughs and says "I'll do it for free if you can give me one good reason for it."

The guy thinks for a second and says. "Well one, I like to keep my money in my pants, two I like to watch my money grow, and three I want to see how fast my wife can blow a $100."