Sex Jokes

Did you hear about the dimwit who went to visit his girlfriend and found she didn't have very much on?

He went back nine months later and she had a little moron.

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.

This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.

Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford.
Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:

"Cindy, you have sinned."

Why do Southern guys go to family reunions?
→ To meet chicks.

How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?
→ Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough.
If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.

At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom.
Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it.
After the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.

As she comes back the male doctor says, "I bet you are a surgeon".
She confirms and asks how he knew.
"Easy, you're always washing your hands."
She then says, "I bet you're an anesthesiologist."

- Male doctor: Wow, how did you guess?

- Female doctor: I didn't feel a thing.

- Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?

- Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

Did you hear the slogan for the new "Stealth Condom?"
→ "They'll never see you coming."

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
→ Ask your mother.

What's the difference between sin and shame?
→ It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
→ Way to go team.