School

- Teacher: Don't forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions.

- Pupil: It's not the questions I have trouble with, it's the answers.

- I hope you're not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn't get any exercise.

- Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.

What are the cleverest bees?
→ Spelling bees!

A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."

I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.

The teacher asked a Louisiana teenager to count to five. The youngster proceeded to count to five on his fingers.

Then the teacher asked, "Can you count any higher?"

The boy raised his hands over his head and counted to five again.

- Delmer: How'd you like the play last night over at the high school?

- Parley: I only seed the first act, but not the second.

- Delmer: Why didn't you stay?

- Parley: I couldn't wait that long. It said on the program, 'Two Years Later.'

- Teacher: That's the stupidest boy in the whole school.

- Mother: That's my son.

- Teacher: Oh! I'm so sorry.

- Mother: You're sorry?

What do you call a tube with a degree?
→ A graduated cylinder.