School

Is lunch the favorite subject of piglets?
→ No, it's theatre. They love to ham it up and hog all the attention.

- Father: I know the answer to your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television.

- Son: I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question.

- Father: I want to take my girl out of this terrible math class.

- Teacher: But she's top of the class.

- Father: That's why I think it must be a terrible class.

- Dad: Why is your January report card so bad?

- Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas!

Mrs. Filmore returned home from a business trip and asked her husband, "How did Greg do on his history exam?"

"Oh, not so good," he replied. "But it wasn't his fault. They asked him about things that happened before he was born!"

"Honey," said Mrs. Beldon to her husband, "Lester's teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia."

"Encyclopedia, my eye!" exclaimed Beldon. "Let him walk to school like I did."

An irate father stormed into the principal's office. "I demand to know," he screamed, "why my son Winslow was given a zero on his English examination."

"Now, don't get excited," said the principal. "We'll get your Winslow's English teacher in here. I'm sure she has some explanation."

A few minutes later, the English teacher arrived.

"Why did you give Winslow a zero on his English final?" demanded the father.

"I had no choice," said the schoolmarm. "He handed in a blank paper with absolutely nothing on it."

"That's no excuse," shouted the father. "You could have at least given him an 'A' for neatness!"

Talbot and his son James were called to Mrs. Cren-shaw's classroom.

"Mr. Talbot," said the teacher, "I asked James 'Who shot Abraham Lincoln?' and he said that he didn't do it!"

"Well, teacher," said Talbot, "if my kid said he didn't do it he didn't do it!"

Father and son left the school, and on their way home Talbot turned to the boy and asked, "Tell me, son, did you do it?"

Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus?
→ He wanted to sing higher!

Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson?
→ Because he'd already done the sharps and flats.