School

Where did all the cuts and blood come from?
→ The school went on a trip!

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

- Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.

- So what's so great about that?

- It's snowing outside!

- Teacher: How much is half of 8?

- Pupil: Up and down or across?

- Teacher: What do you mean?

- Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

Why did the teacher put the lights on?
→ Because the class was so dim!

When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
→ Because there are no pupils to see!

- Examiner: I think you know very little, if anything at all, about the Bible. Can you quote any passage?

- Student: 'Judas departed and went and hanged himself.'

- Examiner: Well, that's a surprise. Can you quote another?

- Student: 'Go thou and do likewise.'

How do Religious Education teachers mark exams?
→ With spirit levels.

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."