Religion

Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a headcovering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse." "But Father, I have a divine right," she informs.

"Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church!" he insists.

Did you hear about the dyslectic agnostic with insomnia?
→ He used to lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
→ It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

What was the First Commandment?
→ "Adam, eat my pussy."

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
→ A rabbi cuts it off, and a priest sucks it off.

A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out during confession, asks an older priest what he should give a cocksucker.

"Oh," says the older priest, "give the altar boy a dollar or so, if you feel like it. Personally, I never give them more than fifty cents."

A crowd had gathered around a whore and they were about to stone her.

Jesus stepped in front of her and said: "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."

From the back of the crowd came this stone which hit Jesus on the head and knocked him down. Jesus turned and looked in that direction and said: "You know mom, sometimes you really piss me off."

What do you call a nun riding piggyback on the hunchback of Notre Dame?
→ Virgin on the ridiculous.

What do you give the paedophile who has everything?
→ Another parish

There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for a soldier and propositioned him. The Salvation Army gent said, "Ma'am, you may be forgiven, as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you familiar with the concept of 'original sin'?"

The hooker replied, "Well, maybe and maybe not. But if it's "really" original, it'll cost you an extra $20."