Political Jokes

If all the nations in the world are in the debt, where did all the money go?

If CON is the opposite of PRO, is congress the opposite of progress?

Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important people to send my message out to all the people: "Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."

Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: "I have two really bad news items for you:

1. God really exists and
2. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."

Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them: "I have good news and bad news:

1. The GOOD news is that God really does exist
2. The BAD news is, tomorrow He is going to destroy the earth."

Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and very happily announced: "I have two fantastic announcements:

1. I am one of the three most important people on earth
2. The Year 2000 problem is solved."

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated
"I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."

The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said
"I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."

The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."

The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"

Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road.
"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.

"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the county government," one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back."

"Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"

President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."

When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog or mulled wine.
Democrats ask for a "Bud."

Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.

Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.
Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.

Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending 50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.