Political Jokes

How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Look, for only $87 billion, we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet.

The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.

"Steve," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six overaged destroyers."

To which the husband replies, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother being gone."

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge.

He ran back to the White House and demanded the position. "Sorry," said the President, "but the lawyer who saw that judge fall in beat you here by a good five minutes."

George W. Bush is seen crossing the Potomac river on foot.

The Washington Post: "President Bush crosses the Potomac River".
The Washington Time: "Bush's conservative approach saves taxpayers a boat".
Mother Jones: "Bush can't swim".

Iraq has just ordered two thousand septic tanks from Russia.
As soon as the Iraqis learn to drive them, they are going to invade Iran.

How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Twelve. One to change the bulb, and eleven to do the paperwork.

Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses?
→ He was a rough rider!

President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.

"It's me, Bill Clinton".

"What bad things did you do on earth?"

Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't 'abandon all hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

- Do you know the 20th President of the United States?

- No, we were never introduced!