Police Jokes

- Policeman: Did you realize you just missed that bus with your car?

- Motorist: Did you want me to hit it?

- Policeman: Are you going to a fire?

- Motorist: No, I'm trying to prevent one. That's what my boss said would happen if I were late again.

- Police Officer: Why were you speeding?

- Women Driver: I was late for traffic school.

- Police Officer: Why are you driving in a bathing suit?

- Motorist: I'm in a car pool.

- Motorist: Does a deer have a horn?

- Police Officer: No, a deer has two horns.

- Motorist: Then it must have been a car that ran over my uncle.

Two wizards in a car were driving along and the police were chasing them for speeding.

One said, "What are we going to do?"

The other replied, "Quick, turn the car into a side street."

A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.

"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.

"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.

"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.

"No you weren't!" the trooper said.

With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."

A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. "Didn't you see the arrow, buddy?" he asked.

"An arrow?" the confused driver said. "I didn't even see the Indians

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

And the minister says, "Just water."

The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"

A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."