Mom/Dad Jokes

A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening, the boy called out sulkily, 'Mum! your husband's just come home.'

'Mum,' yelled Johnny from the kitchen, 'you know that dish you were always worried that I would break?'

'Yes dear, what about it?'

'Well your worries are over.'

Eddie's father called up to him, 'Eddie, if you don't stop playing that trumpet I think I'll go crazy!'

Eddy replied, 'I think you are already, I stopped playing half an hour ago.'

'William, I've been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door,' said mum.

'Yes, but they're twins, so I wanted some way to tell them apart.'

- Mum: How can you practice your trumpet and listen to the radio at the same time?

- Son: Easy. I have two ears!

Dick and Jane were arguing furiously over the breakfast table. 'Oh you're so stupid!' shouted Dick.

'Dick!' said their father, 'that's quite enough of that! Now say you're sorry.'

'OK,' said Dick. 'Jane, I'm sorry you're stupid.'

Ben's dad was building a pine bookshelf and Ben was watching and occasionally helping. 'What are the holes for?' Ben asked.

'They're knot holes,' said his dad.

'What are they, then, if they're not holes?' asked Ben.

- Why are you crying, Ted? asked his mum.

- Because my new sneakers hurt.

- That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.

- But they are the only feet I have.

- Mum: Haven't you finished filling the salt shaker yet?

- Son: Not yet. It's really hard to get the salt through all those little holes!

Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, 'Well, you know the Pacific Ocean? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.'

Bill wasn't impressed. 'Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea? My father's the one who killed it!'