Mom/Dad Jokes

Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
→ They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.

Young lady to father:

- Daddy, when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor?

- Dentist.

- Why father?

- We have only one heart, but 32 teeth!

While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of his inner office smiling. Nodding to me, she said, "Thank goodness my work is completed. I'm so glad to have found a painless dentist and one who's so gentle and understanding too."

When seated in the dentist chair, I related the incident to the doctor. He laughed and explained, "Oh, that was just my Mother."

- Father: Don't you feel better now that you've gone to the dentist?

- Son: Sure do. He wasn't in.

- I was so sorry to hear you buried your mother last week.

- Well, we had to, you know, she was dead.

"Dad," said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. "I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow."

"OK, son," said his dad, "I'll get you the cash when the bank closes."

A son is calling his mom from college, and telling her that he had just got his degree. The mother says:

- That's great honey! What kind of degree?

And the son, almost squealing with excitement, says:

- The best one ever, a Celsius degree!

A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it. His mom said, "Sure, sweetie. I'll will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"

"Uhh, oh yeah, okay," responded the kid.

So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.

When she gets back, her husband asked, "Well how much did you give the boy his time?"

She said, "Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20 and the other for $1000 out to him."

"That's $1020!" yelled her husband. "Are you crazy?"

"Don't worry, Hon," she said. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!"

Son to his father as they watch television:

"Dad, tell me again how when you were a kid you had to walk all the way across the room to change the channel."

- Mum: From now on your going to have free school dinners.

- Son: But, Mum, I don't want three school dinners, one is more than enough!