Men Jokes

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
→ A mental hospital.

Why are men like blenders?
→ You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
→ Being stuck in a lift with the Spice girls.

Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
→ No phone numbers.

Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
→ In the pages of a romance novel.

Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
→ It changes their blood type.

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?

1. No mind
2. No business.

If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and....'"

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

- What's the problem, Eve?

- Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy.

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

- Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples.

- Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.

- What's a 'man', Lord?

- This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

- Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition.

- What's that, Lord?

- You'll have to let him believe that I made him first.