Men Jokes

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

Why are lifesavers better than men?
→ They come in five flavors.

A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?"
"No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing."
As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male."

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "Stupid!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Why do men prefer blondes?
→ Men always like intellectual company

Why don't men do laundry?
→ Cause the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!

Why are men like paper cups?
→ They're disposable

What do you do if your bank account stops working?
→ Throw the guy out of the house.

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1. Get away or I'll call the police!!!
2. I love you and want to marry you and have your children.