Random joke from this category
A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary at the same hotel in the same room where they spent their wedding night.
In honor of the occasion, she bought a $400.00 silk see-through negligee. After taking off her clothes in the bathroom, she realized that she had left the negligee in the suitcase.
Coming out of the bathroom to get it, her husband remarked:
- Geez, for $400.00, you'd think they could have ironed the damn thing!
A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day, he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon.
When they get back, his friend says to him:
- So, tell me, how was it?
- Oh, it was beautiful - says the man.
- The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we -
His friend interrupts him:
- A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?
- Oh - says the man.
- we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday...
This old geezer of 78 marries a girl of 18. The morning after the wedding night, the girl comes down with a pained expression on her face.
- What's the matter, dear? - asks the woman at the front desk.
- Well - sniffed the girl.
- He told me he'd been saving up for 60 years, and I thought he meant his money!
An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers.
- Oh honey - said the young nymph.
- Does that mean we're going to do it three times?
- No - said the old man.
- it means you can take your pick.
A woman is on her honeymoon with her new French husband. She is giving him oral sex when the phone rings.
The husband answers it, to find out is his mother-in-law, asking for her daughter.
He says:
- She cannot talk rrright now, she 'as a frog in ze thrrrought.
My wife is so immature, every time I take a bath, she comes in and sinks my little boats!
In desperation, the young bride finally wrote to Xaviera Hollander:
I'm married to a sex maniac. My husband never leaves me alone. He makes love to me all night long, while I'm in the shower, while I'm cooking breakfast, while I'm making the beds, and even while I'm trying to clean the house. Can you tell me what to do?
Signed, Worn Out
P.S. Please excuse the jerky handwriting
Johnny and Betsy just got married after having graduated as Aggies and are driving to Austin for their honeymoon. Along the way, Johnny, who's at the wheel, reaches over and places his hand on Betsy's knee.
Betsy smiles and blushes, and says:
- Oh Johnny, we're married now, you can go farther than that!
So they drove to Laredo for their honeymoon instead.
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself:
- Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself:
- Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says:
- Darling, I've a confession to make.
And she says:
- So have I, love.
To which he replies:
- Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks!
In the old country, it is a custom for women to enter virginal and sexually ignorant into marriages arranged by their parents.
In one particular case, an attractive young maid, from a very poor family was wed to a well-off, but relatively unattractive businessman.
When the wedding night finally came, the couple, at the bride's insistence, stayed in a hotel near her families home. Early in the evening, the harried bride came rushing through the door.
- Mother, Mother! - cried the girl.
- He says that we should sleep together!
- It's alright, girl, married people sleep together. Now go back before he starts to worry about you.
"Oh," said the girl, and returned to her husband who had already begun to disrobe. When she saw his hairy chest, she went running back to her mother.
- Mother, Mother, he is taking off his clothes, and he is covered in hair!
- It's alright girl, men have hair on their bodies, don't let it bother you... Now, get back their before he starts wondering about you.
When she returns, she finds the man naked for the first time, and sees that he had part of his right foot amputated. She flees, in fright, back to mom.
- Mother, mother, he only has a foot and a half!
- Stand back, girl! - says the mother.
- This is a job for a real woman!
