Marriage Jokes

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men.

He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day.

His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"

When Mr. Maxwell's wife left him he couldn't sleep.
"She took the bed!"

Marriage is nature's way of preventing people from fighting with strangers.

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed.

- What's wrong?

The depressed one replied, "I've been married four times and everyone of my husbands has passed away."
The other lady asked, "What did they used to do?"
The depressed lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician."
And the other said, "Oh, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Do you know what is honeymoon?
→ A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Why should a honeymoon only be six days?
→ Because seven days makes a whole week.

What is honeymoon?
→ That brief span of time between, "I do" and "You'd better!"

My wife sez that I'm too extravagant; that if anything ever happens to her, I'll have to beg. I told her I'd be fine. I mean look at all the experience I've got.

A woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."
"But you are not wearing any of those things."
"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Brian told his best friend Mike.
"Why not add some intrigue to your life, and have an affair?" his friend suggested.

"But what if my wife finds out?"

"Heck, we are almost on the begining of the 21st centrury, Brian. Go ahead and tell her about it!"

So Brian went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together."

"Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that many times - it never worked."