Marriage Jokes

Wife, opening mail, to spouse: "The bank says that this is our last notice. Isn't it wonderful that they're not going to bother us anymore?"

The wedding was over, and the reception was in full swing. Dave an usher, was having a great time with other members of the wedding party. His wife, Betty was not.
"Don't be to mad at Dave," a friend told her. "He did a terrific job. I'd be glad to have him usher at my wedding."
"Yeah," Betty replied, "I wish he had been an usher at mine."

The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

- John: I'm a man of few words.

- Bill: I'm married, too.

What do you call two spiders who just got married?
→ Newlywebs.

Both of my marriages have been disappointing. My first wife left me and my second one didn't.

- I think you've had enough, sir.

- I just lost my wife, buddy!

- Well, it must be hard losing a wife....

- It was almost impossible!

Before we got married, I caught her in my arms.
Now I catch her in my pockets.

How is a marriage like a hot bath?
→ Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.