Kids Jokes

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist?
→ 'I feel abominable.'

MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fall down when she hits you.

What do you get if you cross a monster with a flea?
→ Lots of very worried dogs.

- FIRST MONSTER: I'm going to a party tonight.

- SECOND MONSTER: Oh, are you?

- FIRST MONSTER: Yes, I must go to the graveyard and dig out a few old friends.

Why is the monsters' football pitch wet?
→ Because the players keep dribbling on it.

- FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night.

- BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.

- FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes.

- BERT MONSTER: That's nothing. My sister's tongue is so long, she can lick an envelope after she's posted it.

What do you get if you cross a bird with a monstrous snarl?
→ A budgerigrrrrr!

- FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a monster with one hand.

- SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't!

- FIRST HUMAN BOY: Find me a monster with one hand and I'll prove it.

How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye?
→ When it comes out in conversation.