Kids Jokes

At dinner, Seth said to his father, "Dad, I got into trouble at school today and it's all your fault."

"How's that?" asked the master of the house.

"Remember I asked you how much $500,000 was?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Well, 'a helluva lot' ain't the right answer."

"What are you reading?" demanded the father of his seven-year-old.

"A story about a cow jumping over the moon," was the reply.

"Throw that book away at once," he commanded.

"How many times have I told you you're too young to read science fiction?"

- Son: What is an autobiography?

- Father: Er, the story of an automobile.

"Dad, why do you write so slow?" asked Dennis.

"I have to," replied his father. "I'm a slow reader."

Young Bobby was being fitted for glasses, and his father, standing beside him, said, "Now, remember, son. Don't wear them when you're not looking at anything."

"Can I go outside and watch the solar eclipse?" asked Rupert.

"Okay," replied his father, "but don't stand too close."

- Son: Where are the Himalayas?

- Father: If you'd put things away, you'd know where to find them.

Tad looked up from the book on ancient history he was reading and asked his father, "Pop, what's a millennium?"

"Well," he muttered, "I think it's something like a centennial, only it has more legs!"

NEWS ITEM. Kidnappers grabbed a little boy and two days later sent him home with a ransom note. His parents immediately sent the kid back with the money.

When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he let out a few choice words. Shocked by her son's outburst, his mother said, "Don't you dare use that kind of language in here."

"William Shakespeare did," replied Ben.

"Well, you'd better stop going around with him," said Mom.