Kids Jokes

A Geography teacher stands in front of a map of the world.

- Geography Teacher: Tony, can you tell me where in the world America is placed on this map?

Tony shows him America.

- Geography Teacher: Now, Lisa, can you tell me the name of the guy who discovered America?

- Lisa: Tony did!!

- Boy #1: Hey! Didja know that my grandfather was once face-to-face with a panther?

- Boy #2: That's nothing! My granny was once face-to-face with a lion! It was drooling...coming closer...closer...

- Boy #1: Gosh! What'd she do?

- Boy #2: She moved away from the cage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

One night a boy wakes up and goes into his parents room and they're having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says:

- we're playing poker - and the mother says:

- & I'm his partner.

He then goes into his grandparents room and asks what they're doing. The grandfather says:

- We're playing poker - and the grandmother says:

- & I'm his partner.

He then goes into his brothers room and he's wanking. He asks what he's doing. The brother says:

- I'm playing poker.

The other brother asks why he doesn't have a partner and the brother replies:

- You don't need a partner if you have a good hand !

- Knock, knock.

- Who's there?

- Dwayne.

- Dwayne who?

- DWAYNE THE TUB! I'M DWOWNING!

A Little Boy Comes Running Into The Room and Says:

- Grandpa! Grandpa! Can You Make A Sound Like A Frog?

The Grandpa says:

- I Don't Know, Why?

The Little Boy Says:

- Because Grandma Says As Soon As You Croak, We Can Go To Disneyland!

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said:

- If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop.

The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said:

- Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops.

She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way.

The man said:

- Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!

Finally, the girl turned and said:

- Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!

I like to hang out around the playground, just watching the kids running and screaming. They don't know I'm just using blanks.

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said:

- Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?

Little Johnny quickly replied:

- NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!

A woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school.

She goes into his bedroom and tells him to get up or he will miss breakfast.

- No - the son replies.

- I don't wanna go to school!

- You HAVE to go to school - the mother scolds.

- No! The kids are mean to me, the teachers don't like me, and the lunches are icky.

- You WILL go to school, young man - the mother warns.

- Why? Why do I have to go to school today? - the son asks.

The mother is about to lose her patience.

- Because you're the principal, now get out of bed!