Kids Jokes

Why did the little girl bury her flashlight?
→ Because the batteries died.

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said:

- Would you like to say the blessing?

- I wouldn't know what to say - she replied.

- Just say what you hear Mommy say - my wife instructed.

Our daughter bowed her head and said:

- Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner!

One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother's hair and sadly said:

- Why is some of your hair white mommy?

The mother replied:

- Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white.

The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said:

- Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?

A kid, just getting home from school runs up to his dad:

- Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that can count to ten. Why do you rec'un so?

- Why that's because your from Kentucky son. - The dad responses.

The next day the kid gets home from school:

- Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that knows all the letters in the alphabet. Why do you rec'un so?

- That's because you're from Kentucky son. - The dad tells him again.

The next day the kid busts through the door:

- Daddy. daddy! I'm the only one in school who has a large penis, is that because I'm from Kentucky?

The dad looks at him and says:

- No that's because you're 22.

There was this 8 year old kid who lived with his 82 year old grandma. He had been living with her for some time, and he thought, that with all the work she does, he could at least make her a cup of coffee in the morning. So he woke up early one day, and made a cup of coffee and brought it to his grandma. She took one drink of it and died instantly.

He called 911, and the paramedics rushed over there. While examining the grandma, one of the paramedics pulls out a little plastic green soldier from her throat. After the paramedic learns that the kid made her coffee and put that soldier in there, of course, the first question is "why".

The kid answered:

- Grandma always said, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'!

- Knock Knock...

- Who's There?

- Boo...

- Boo Who?

- Stop crying it's just a joke!

Let a pig and a boy have everything they want, and you'll get a good pig and a bad boy.

Little Johnny has a question, so he goes around the house to find his father. He opens his dad's bedroom door and finds his mom and dad humping away on the bed!

- Dad! - says Johnny

- What are you doing!

Johhny's father stops humping for a second and says:

- Well, Johnny, I'm playing poker...and your mother's the wild card.

- Oh - says Johnny and he leaves the room.

Still in need of an answer to his question, Little Johnny set out to look for his big brother, Ernie. He opens his brother's bedroom door and finds Ernie and his sister Thelma humping away!

- Ernie! - cried Johnny

- What are you doing!.

Ernie stops humping for a second and says:

- Well... I'm playing poker, Johnny... and Thelma is the wildcard.

- Oh - says Johnny and he leaves the room.

Later, Johnny's dad approached Johnny's room to call him to dinner. He opens Johnny's bedroom door and finds Johnny wacking off like it was going out of style!

- Johnny! - his father said

- I see you're playing poker, but where's your wildcard?

Johnny replies:

- With a hand like this, who needs a wildcard!

What did Snow White say when the photographer said her photos were done?
→ I knew some day my prints would come!

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do.

The shrink said that, since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed, he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift.

Two days before Christmas, Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said:

- I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right fuckin here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning. Then, when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin' train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!

Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face.

His dad smiled and asked:

- So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?

Johnny replied:

- I think I got a fuckin' dog but I can't find the son of a bitch.