Instrument Jokes

What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?
→ Root position cords.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
→ A flat minor.

What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
→ A mouse organ !

General Heath, a famous lover of parade music and marching drill ceremonies, once listened to a symphonic orchestra playing.
When asked about his impressions, he commented:
"No military precision in drill..."
"Why?"
"Did you see those violin players? They were moving their bows not in cadence."

How do you get a heavy metal guitarist to stop playing guitar?
→ Put sheet music in front of him.

Why did bill quit playing the saxophone?
→ To play his WhoreMonica

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
→ A flat minor!

Why does Clinton play the saxophone?
→ 'Cause he can no longer play with his 'hore-monica!

• Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
• Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
• Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
• How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
• I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
• I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
• I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
• I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
• I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
• I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
• If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
• My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
• Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
• She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, "If you were a musician, who would you be?".

Chuck Norris said, "I would be Motzart." Jean Claud VanDam said, "I would be Bethoven." Arnold said, "I'll be Bach!"