Food Jokes

Did you hear about Tempura House?
→ It's a shelter for lightly battered women.

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...

Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.

Hollindaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?
→ He forgot to wrap his whopper.

Where does Peter Pan eat?
→ Wendy's

I read last week how there are more than one million battered women in the United States each year. All these years I've been eating them raw.

Ingredients:

• 2 Laughing Eyes
• 2 Loving Arms
• 2 Well Shaped Legs
• 2 Firm Milk Containers
• 1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl
• 2 Large Nuts
• 1 Large Banana

Method:

1. Look into Loving Eyes.
2. Fold in Loving Arms.
3. Spread Well Shaped Legs.
4. Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
5. Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed.
6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief.

Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don't lick the bowl.

N.B. If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.

A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter: "Sir! Please stop that immediately."

"Certainly, madame," replies the waiter with a bow, "which way was it headed?"

Two nuns go to a restaurant to have dinner. They notice Rocky Mountain Oysters on the menu and wondered what that was.

They ask the waiter who replies "Oh Sister, those are nuts." She answers "Do you mean like the kind you crack with a rock?"

"No. The kind you rock on a crack."

Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man for 120 cucumbers. The guy advises: "Sisters, if you buy 3 crates, that's 150, you'll get a 25% discount!" The nuns look at each other, and after a prolonged period of thinking one whispers to the other: "We could eat the 30, I suppose."

What is the meaning of life?
→ All evidence to date suggests it's chocolate.