Doctor Jokes

- School Doctor: Have you ever had trouble with appendicitis?

- Fred: Only when I tried to spell it.

A old snake goes to see his Doctor.

"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".

The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

- Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.

- Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.

- Patient: OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???

- Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.

A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor.

"Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked.
"The side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.

What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
→ A URLologist.

- Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses

- You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!

- Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.

- Are you choking?

- No, I really did!

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."

"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.

"You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.

- What took you so long to answer?

- I was in bed.

- What were you doing in bed this late?

- Getting a second opinion.

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.

- Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?

- Dentist: Wear a brown tie!