Doctor Jokes

- Patient: Doctor, I am very nervous. You know, this is my first extraction.

- Young dentist: Don't worry, it's my first extraction too.

- Monster: Doctor, doctor, I'm a blood-sucking monster and I keep needing to eat doctors.

- Doctor: Oh what a shame. I'm a dentist.

How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the light bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.

- Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

- Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.

- Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.

- Doctor, doctor, I'm at death's door!

- Don't worry, Mrs Jenkins. An operation will soon pull you through.

- Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down.

- I'll arrange for you to be halfburied.

Higginbote and Goldstein, Fordham freshmen, were discussing what kind of work would supply them with big bucks after graduation.

"Well, I've always thought I'd like to be a doctor," said Higginbote. "Specialize in something or other. Like obstetrics, maybe."

"Obstetrics?" scoffed Goldstein. "At the rate science is going, you'd no sooner learn all about it when bingo! somebody'd find a cure for it."

- Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an orange!

- Have you tried playing squash?

- My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it!

- Doctor: Try this medicine...and if it doesn't work come back and bring me a new video camera.

- Doctor, Doctor I'm scared of Father Christmas

- Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.