Dirty Jokes

This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket.

That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.

Why did the skeleton burp?
→ Because it didn't have the guts to fart.

A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women who in a short time were fighting over his attentions.

They held a meeting to resolve the problem and decided that each would have his services on a different day of the week, with Sundays off for him.

In due time the guy was dragging himself through the week, looking forward to Sunday. As he lay on the beach one day he saw a dot floating on the sea which as it got closer turned out to be a man on a raft. With his last ounce of strength he swam out, pulled the raft ashore, gave the occupant CPR and as he came around said to him; "Oh man, am I ever glad to see you!"

"Goodness gracious, am I ever glad to see you too" said the raft rider in a swishy way.

With a shrug of resignation the guy said... "Oh damn, there goes my Sundays!"

What did the normal baby say to the test tube baby?
→ Ha..ha... your dad's a jerk off!

What does ADIDAS stand for?
→ All Day I Dream About Sex.

Why do Farts stink?
→ So that Deaf people can enjoy them too.

Why did the pervert cross the road?
→ He was stuck to the chicken.

What is the difference between a brown-noser and a shit-head?
→ Depth perception.

Do you know what a dog and a screen door have in common?
→ the more you bang them the looser they get.

What do elephants use for tampoons?
→ Sheep.