Dirty Jokes

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
→ Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob!

Grant's Bar and Casino:
Liquor in the front,
Poker in the rear.

There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire.

- Hey kid! - the farmer says.

- Where ya goin' with that wire?

- Well - the kid drawls, this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here's chicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!

- You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!

- Sure I can! - the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire.

Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape.

- Hey kid! - the farmer yells.

- Where ya goin' with that tape?

- Well, this here ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape -- I'm fixin' to catch me some ducks!

- You can't catch ducks with duck tape! - the farmer yells back.

- Sure I can! - the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape.

The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying a stick.

- Hey kid! - the farmer says.

- Where ya goin' with that stick?

- Well, this here ain't just any old stick, this here's pussy willow.

- Hang on - the farmer says.

- I'll get my hat.

What would you do if you had a condum with a hole in it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket?
→ I don't know either, but I do know that I wouldn't screw with either one of them.

The world was stunned by the news, this morning, of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old.

Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42PM last evening.

Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and going and going, "Pinkie" as he was known to his friends and relatives, was alone at the time of his death.

An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medical Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation.

Apparently, someone had put Mr. Bunny's batteries in backwards, and he kept coming, and coming and coming.....

What do you see when the pillsbary dough boy bends over?
→ Doughnuts

Why can't Santa have children?
→ He only comes once a year.

Why can't Frankenstein have children?
→ Because his nuts are on his neck.

A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said:

- I am blind drop it on the ground and i'll tell ya.

She dropped it on the ground.

- Aahh that's 10.00.

She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard. But, she really wanted the pole so she picked it up. And went to pay for it.

- That will be 20.00

- But you said 10.00

- 10.00 extra for the stink bait and duck call.

Why do farts smell?
→ So deaf people can enjoy them too.