Dirty Jokes

A man was called to witness that a couple had been making love in a park.

- The witness: They were fucking, your honor.

- The judge: Could the witness put it in a more Shakespearean way?

- The witness: The park was Dark but caused no fear / Until tiny sounds came to my ear / There was this couple on the ground there / and his balls were dangling in the air / and you know his what was in her you know where / If that wasn't fucking, your Honor, I wasn't there.

This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn't know what to do. He's fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says:

- Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s'pposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!...

So he got his bowling ball and threw it in the outhouse!

The morning after their honeymoon night, Julie says to her husband:

- You know, you're really a lousy lover!

Her husband replies:

- How would you know after only 30 seconds?

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.

They hear her say:

- Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!

The six-year-old says to his brother:

- He must be fucking her up the ass!

A boat load filled with Viagra sank in Baltimore Harbor.

They could not get the draw bridges down for a week.

- Doctor, I need your help. My husband just doesn't satisfy me sexually. What can I do?

- Hmmm. That's a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?

- Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn't enough for me. You've got to help me!

- Er... Why don't you take a lover?

- I have! I still don't get enough.

- Take another lover.

- I did. In fact, I have eight lovers, and I still don't get enough sex!

- Gosh, that's an anomaly.

- Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it's an anomaly! They all keep telling me I'm a whore!

A little girl asks her father:

- Where do little girls come from?

The father says:

- They come from a hard-on.

The little girl then asks her father:

- Where does a hard-on come from?

The father says:

- Little girls!

A young girl is speaking with her father.

- Daddy, what's that between your legs?

- That's my hedgehog.

- Wow, it's got a massive cock.

While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who was pretty and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, he found out she had a superb body as well. Unfortunately, the executive found himself unable to perform.

On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the bedroom to find his wife covered in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair curled, her face creamed, munching candy loudly while she pored through a movie magazine.

Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent erection. Looking down at this, he snarled:

- Why you ungrateful, mixed-up son of a bitch. Now I know why they call you a prick!

Old Chinese proverb: Rape impossible!

Woman with skirt up run faster than man with trousers down!