Dirty Jokes

If fathers have Father's Day, and mothers have Mother's Day, what do single guys have?
→ Palm Sunday.

Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things?

- He has an Adam's apple that isn't an apple

- Two calves that will never become cows

- A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere

- A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything

- Twenty nails that won't hold a board

- A chest that won't hold linen

- Two boobs that won't give milk

- Two buns that won't feed anyone

- A belly button that won't button

- Two balls that won't roll

- An ass that won't pull a plow

- An organ that won't play music

- A cock that won't crow

A guy goes into a costume shop. He says:

- I'm going to a costume party, I want to go as Adam.

The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says:

- Not big enough.

She brings out a bigger one. He says:

- Still not big enough.

She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says:

- Still not big enough.

She says:

- Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?

Whats the difference between pink and purple?
→ Your grip.

How do u get 4 gay men to sit on 1 stoll?
→ you turn it over!

These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.

They got up there and went into a trader's store and told him:

- Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year.

The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. The guys said:

- What's that board for?

The trader said:

- Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this.

They said:

- No way! We've sworn off women for life!

The trader said:

- Well. take the boards with you, and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year.

- Okay - they said and left.

Next year this guy came into the trader's store and said:

- Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year.

The trader said:

- Weren't you in here last year with a partner?

- Yeah - said the guy.

- Where is he? - asked the trader.

- I shot him - said the guy.

- Why?

- I caught him in bed with my board.

Why did God give men larger brains than dogs?
→ So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Why is a man at his smartest when he is having sex?
→ Because he's plugged into a woman!

What's a man's idea of foreplay?
→ A half-hour of begging.

A guy says:

- I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.

- Yeah what happened? - asked the other.

The first guy replies:

- Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.