Dirty Jokes

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
11. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
12. See if they could finally do splits.
13. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
14. Cross their legs without rearranging.
15. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE closing time.
16. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
17. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
18. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.

and, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina .

1. Finally find that damned G-spot!!!!!

There were two teenagers and they just got thru playing basketball. So they went to the showerhouse.

They were in the showerhouse and the first teenager noticed a cork up the other teenagers butt. So when they got out of the showerhouse, the first teenager ask why he had a cork up his butt?

The other teenager said, "Well, I was at the beach and a fairy said she could grant me one wish", and in amazement I said - "No CRAP!"

One day a mother and father were having sex and their son walked in. The kid asked:

- What are you doing?

Well, you wanted a brother, so we're making you one.

The next day, the father walks outside and sees his son porking away on the family junker's tailpipe.

- Son...what the hell are you doing!!!

And the son replied:

- Mom said she wanted an new car, so I'm making her one!

A group of people were in a shipwreck and were stranded on an island.

The group consisted of 12 women and 1 man. After a few months, the women grew horny and it was decided that the man needed to take two women a day and they allowed him to have Sundays off.

One day on a day off, he was just relaxing when he noticed a boat nearing. He felt hopeful that maybe they would be rescued, at last.

The boat was almost to the island when the guy noticed it was a man in the boat. As he got out the first guy said:

- Oh my God buddy, am I ever glad to see YOU, - To which the second guy responded:

- Well alright sweetie! It's been a long time for me too.

The first man exclaimed:

- Oh hell, there go my Sundays!

A duck walks in to a drug store and asks for a condom.

The sales person comes back with the condom and says:

- Put this on your bill sir - to which the duck replies:

- what do you think I'M a dickhead!

So, I recently took a tour of the White House, and on the tour our guide pointed out the new name to the "Oval Office", seems someone liked the name the "Oral Office" better!

This guy walks into a pub with a gremlin sitting on his shoulder. He sits at the bar and orders a pint and a half of lager.

The gremlin downs his half-pint, runs long the bar, dips his head in a blokes beer and goes:

- Brrr!

The guy orders another pint and a half. The gremlin repeats the performance. The bloke grabs the gremlin by the neck, shakes him up a bit, and says:

- Listen, if you ever do that again I'll cut yer balls off!

The gremlin says:

- Ain't got none!

- Well, I'll cut off yer prick!

- Ain't got one of them, neither. - says the gremlin.

- Well, how do ya pee?

The gremlin smiled and said:

- Brrr!

There was this mexican who was walking down a beach when he found a bottle that contained a genie.

Well he rubbed the bottle and the genie said:

- I'll grant you one wish.

So the mexican says:

- ok, I wanna be white and I wanna be surrounded by a pussy.

The genie grants the mexicans wish...and turned him into a tampon!

A boy goes on a fishing trip with his grandpa. They install themselves on the river bank and have brought with them all the provisions they need for a fine day's fishing.

After a while, grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy gazes on. He knows his parents won't allow him to smoke, but he gets on well with his grandpa, so he asks:

- Can I have one of those cigarettes?

Grandpa, knowing he shouldn't encourage the boy in a bad habit, but not wanting give a curt "no" asks:

- Does your dick reach your ass?

The boy replies:

- No , it doesn't.

- Then - said grandpa - you aren't old enough to smoke.

Half an hour later grandpa opens a six pack. The boy has always wanted to taste beer so he asks grandpa for a swig.

- Does your dick reach your ass? - asks the old man.

- No - replies the boy.

- Then you're not big enough to touch beer - comes the reply.

By and by the boy feels hungry and opens his lunch box. He finds a pack of cookies there and takes one out to eat it. Grandpa sees this and fancies a cookie himself, so he asks for one.

The boy turns the tables on his grandpa and asks:

- Does you dick reach your ass?

- It sure does - says the old man.

- Then go fuck yourself - These are all mine!

If you've got a green ball in your left hand, and a green ball in your right hand, what do you have?
→ Kermit the Frog's undivided attention.