Computer Jokes

• Log on - Adding a log to your wood stove
• Log off - Don't add a log to your wood stove
• Monitor - Keep an eye on the wood stove
• Megahertz - When a big log drops on your bare foot in the morning
• Floppy disk - What you get from piling too much wood into your wood stove
• Ram - The hydraulic machine that makes the woodsplitter work
• Drive - Getting home during most of the winter to your wood stove
• Hard drive - Trying to get home during a heavy snow storm
• Prompt - What you wish the mail was during the snow season
• Enter - Come on in
• Windows - What you must shut when the temperature hits 10 below
• Screen - What is a must during black fly season
• Chip - What you munch during a football games
• Microchip - What's left in the bag when the normal chips are gone
• Modem - What you did to your fields last July
• Dot Matrix - Eino Matrix's wife
• Laptop - Where the grandkids sit
• Keyboard - Where you're supposed to put the keys so the wife can find them
• Software - Plastic picnic utensils
• Mouse - What leaves those little turds in the cupboard
• Mainframe - The part of the house that holds up the roof
• Port - Where the commercial fishing boats dock
• Random Access Memory - When you can't remember how much you spent on the new deer rifle when wife asks about it

The government's system administration team, working with computer manufacturers and experts in the computer industry, has found a lower cost alternative to address the Y2K (Year 2000) issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by December 31, 1999. In exchange for taking every computer, an Etch-A-Sketch will be issued to all Americans. There are many reasons for doing this:

1. No Y2K problems.
2. No technical glitches keeping working from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing E-Mails.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

My Etch-A-Sketch has funny lines all over the screen. What do I do?
→ Pick it up and shake it.

How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
→ Pick it up and shake it.

What's the shortcut for Undo?
→ Pick it up and shake it.

How do I create a new document?
→ Pick it up and shake it.

How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
→ Pick it up and shake it.

What is the proper procedure for re-booting my Etch-A-Sketch ?
→ Pick it up and shake it.

How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch ?
→ Pick it up and shake it.

How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch Document ?
→ Don't shake it.

DOS Beer -- Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

Mac Beer -- At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.

Windows 3.1 Beer -- The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

OS/2 Beer -- Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.

Windows 95 Beer -- You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer -- Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.

Unix Beer -- Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years.

AmigaDOS Beer -- The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.

VMS Beer -- Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like contents.

Real software engineers eat quiche.

Real software engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused.

Real software engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are so mnemonic they don't have to.

Real software engineers don't write applications programs, they implement algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm might help with, that's nice. Don't ask them to write the user interface, though.

If it doesn't have recursive function calls, real software engineers don't program in it.

Real software engineers don't program in assembler. They become queasy at the very thought.

Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve executing anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.

Real software engineers like C's structured constructs, but they are suspicious of it because they have heard that it lets you get "close to the machine."

Real software engineers play tennis. In general, they don't like any sport that involves getting hot and sweaty and gross when out of range of a shower. (Thus mountain climbing is Right Out.) They will occasionally wear their tennis togs to work, but only on very sunny days.

Real software engineers admire PASCAL for its discipline and Spartan purity, but they find it difficult to actually program in. They don't tell this to their friends, because they are afraid it means that they are somehow Unworthy.

Real software engineers work from 9 to 5, because that is the way the job is described in the formal spec. Working late would feel like using an undocumented external procedure.

Real software engineers write in languages that have not actually been implemented for any machine, and for which only the formal spec (in BNF) is available. This keeps them from having to take any machine dependencies into account. Machine dependencies make real software engineers very uneasy.

Real software engineers don't write in ADA, because the standards bodies have not quite decided on a formal spec yet.

Real software engineers like writing their own compilers, preferably in PROLOG (they also like writing them in unimplemented languages, but it turns out to be difficult to actually RUN these).

Real software engineers regret the existence of COBOL, FORTRAN and BASIC. PL/I is getting there, but it is not nearly disciplined enough; far too much built in function.

Real software engineers aren't too happy about the existence of users, either. Users always seem to have the wrong idea about what the implementation and verification of algorithms is all about.

Real software engineers don't like the idea of some inexplicable and greasy hardware several aisles away that may stop working at any moment. They have a great distrust of hardware people, and wish that systems could be virtual at ALL levels. They would like personal computers (you know no one's going to trip over something and kill your DFA in mid-transit), except that they need 8 megabytes to run their Correctness Verification Aid packages.

Real software engineers think better while playing WFF 'N' PROOF.

Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had different operating systems running them.

DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.

DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.

Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up.

OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want your seating arranged--with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which case you have time to say your prayers before you crash.

Windows: Colorful airport terminal, friendly flight attendants, easy access to a plane, and an uneventful takeoff. Then, all in a sudden, boom! You blow up without any warning whatsoever.

NT: The terminal and flight attendants all look like those the Windows plane uses, but the process of checking in and going through security is a nightmare. Once aboard, those passengers with first class tickets can go anywhere they want and arrive in half the time, while the vast majority of passengers with coach tickets can't even get aboard.

Unix: Everyone brings one piece of the plane. Then they go on the runway and piece it together, all the while arguing about what kind of plane they're building.

CAIRO: The airplane is distributed among 47 different hangars in 13 airports scattered over 8 states, 4 Canadian provinces, and a remote mountain hideaway in Nicaragua. But you don't need to know where the airplane is or who it belongs to in order to fly it. Actually, you don't fly the airplane itself; you fly a simulation that behaves just like the real thing except that you don't go anywhere. But that's okay, because when the world is at your fingertips you never need to leave home.

Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but some of the following calls to IBM's help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Aptiva" desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."

A customer who had just received a laptop computer asked about the power-saving feature known as "hibernate." Would this hibernate device work in the spring and summer, the caller asked.

Another caller explained she had received a gift of software on 5.25-inch diskettes, but she had only a 3.5-inch disk drive on her computer. The technician said she had two options: Get a second disk drive, or use 3.5-inch diskettes. The customer called back later, now complaining that her disk drive was making a terrible noise. And this despite the fact that she was using a 3.5-inch diskette, she said. After a bunch of questions, the technician determined the caller had used a pair of scissors to trim the 5.25-inch diskettes to fit the 3.5-inch drive.

A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer--the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world peace - was doing nothing, cried out for help. No problem, the IBM technician said. First, open a "window" to launch a specific program. The conversation continued, and the caller asked a few moments later if it might be all right to close the window. Why, the IBM technician asked. Because, the caller responded, it was getting very chilly.

Don't you wish when life is bad
and things just don't compute,
That all we really had to do
was stop and hit reboot?

Things would all turn out ok,
life could be so sweet
If we had those special keys
Ctrl, Alt, and Delete
Your boss is mad, your bills not paid,
your wife, well she's just mute
Just stop and hit those wonderful keys
that make it all reboot
You'd like to have another job
but you fear living in the street?

You solve it all and start a new,
Ctrl, Alt, and Delete

99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.

101 little bugs in the code,
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code.

10. "Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?"
11. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you.
12. Apparently, your flame war with DonCorleone@mafia.com is about to turn ugly.
13. When you log on, your computer says "You've got lawsuits!"
14. You're suddenly getting more Spam than the Hormel outlet store.
15. Sotheby's says the Rembrandt is yours and that you now owe them $71,000,000 and change.
16. You now have 130,000 ClubTop5 subscriptions and the list moderator is on the cover of Business Week.
17. Terse "Knock it off, Oedipus" e-mail from your Mom.
18. Your wife calls you at the office to report that Pogdi, your Pakistani mail-order bride, has arrived.
19. "The resistance welcomes your involvement. Your contact information has been forwarded to a local insurgent who will bring supplies and reinforcements to you immediately."

• AAC: Alter All Commands
• AAD: Alter All Data
• AAO: Add And Overflow
• AAR: Alter At Random
• AB: Add Backwards
• ABC: AlphaBetize Code
• ABR: Add Beyond Range
• ACC: Advance CPU Clock
• ACDC: Allow Controller to Delete Contents
• ACDP: Allow Controller to Die Peacefully
• ACQT: Advance Clock to Quitting Time
• ADB: Another Dumb Bug
• AEE: Absolve Engineering Errors
• AFF: Add Fudge Factor
• AFHB: Align Fullword on Halfword Boundary
• AFP: Abnormalize Floating Point
• AFR: Abort Funny Routine
• AFVC: Add Finagle's Variable Constant
• AGB: Add GarBage
• AGWA: Add and Get Wrong Answer
• AI: Add Improper
• AIB: Attack Innocent Bystander
• AIB: Attack Innocent Bystanders
• AISG: Access and Improve Student Grade
• AMM: Add Mayo and Mustard
• AMM: Answer My Mail
• AMS: Add Memory to System
• ANC: ANnoy Consultant
• AOI: Annoy Operator Immediate
• AR: Advance Rudely
• AR: Alter Reality
• ARN: Add and Reset to Non-zero
• ARN: Add and Reset to Nonzero
• ARZ: Add and Reset to Zero
• AS: Add Sideways
• ASQGSA: ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSI
• AT: Accumulate Trivia
• AWP: Argue With Programmer
• AWTT: Assemble With Tinker Toys
• BA: Branch Anywhere
• BAC: Branch to Alpha Centauri
• BAD: Branch And Die
• BAD: Branch to Auto Destruct
• BAF: Blow All Fuses
• BAH: Branch And Hang
• BALC: Branch And Link Cheeseburger
• BAP: Branch And Punt
• BAW: Bells And Whistles
• BB: Branch on Bug
• BBBB: Byte Baudy Bit and Branch
• BBBF: Branch on Bit Bucket Full
• BBD: Branch on Bastille Day
• BBI: Branch on Burned-out Indicator
• BBIL: Branch on Burned-out Indicator Light
• BBLB: Branch on Blinking Light Bulb
• BBT: Branch on Binary Tree
• BBW: Branch Both Ways
• BCB: Burp and Clear Bytes
• BCF: Branch on Chip box Full
• BCIL: Branch Creating Infinite Loop
• BCR: Backspace Card Reader
• BCS: Branch and Crash System
• BCU: Be Cruel and Unusual
• BD: Backspace Disk
• BD: Branch to Data
• BDC: Break Down and Cry
• BDI: Branch to Data Indirect
• BDM: Branch and Disconnect Memory
• BDT: Burn Data Tree
• BDU: Branch on Dense User
• BE: Branch Everywhere
• BEW: Branch Either Way
• BF: Belch Fire
• BF: Blow Fuse
• BF: Branch Forever
• BFD: Branch on Full Disk
• BFF: Branch and Form Feed
• BFM: Be Fruitful and Multiply
• BH: Branch and Hang
• BIR: Branch Inside Ranch
• BIRM: Branch on Index Register Missing
• BLC: Branch and Loop Continuous
• BLI: Branch and Loop Infinite
• BLM: Branch, Like, Maybe
• BLMWM: Branch, Like, Maybe, Wow, Man
• BLP: Boot from Line Printer
• BLR: Branch and Lose Return
• BLSH: Buy Low, Sell High
• BLT: Break Little Thing
• BM: Branch Maybe
• BMI: Blow up Memory Immediate
• BMI: Branch on Missing Index
• BMI: Branch to Muncee Immediate
• BMP: Branch and Make Popcorn
• BMR: Branch Multiple Registers
• BMUS: Beam Me Up, Scotty
• BNA: Branch to Nonexistant Address
• BNCB: Branch and Never Come Back
• BNL: Become a Neo-Luddite
• BNR: Branch for No Reason
• BOB: Branch On Bug
• BOD: Beat On Disk
• BOD: Branch on Operator Desperate
• BOH: Branch On Humidity
• BOH: Branch on Operator High
• BOHP: Bribe Operator for Higher Priority
• BOI: Byte Operator Immediately
• BOP: Boot OPerator
• BOT: Branch On Tree
• BPB: Branch on Program Bug
• BPDI: Be Polite, Don't Interrupt
• BPIM: Bury Programmer In Manuals
• BPL: Branch PLease
• BPM: Become a Psych Major
• BPO: Branch on Power Off
• BPO: Branch on Power On
• BPP: Branch and Pull the Plug
• BR: Byte and Run
• BRA: Branch to Random Address
• BRB: BRanch on Beaver
• BRH: BRanch and Hang
• BRI: BRanch Indefinitely
• BRL: BRanch and Leak
• BRO: BRanch and Overheat
• BRO: BRanch to Oblivion
• BS: Behave Strangely
• BSC: Branch on Second Coming
• BSC: Burst Selector Channel
• BSD: BackSpace Disk
• BSI: Back up Sewer Immediate
• BSI: Backup Sewer Immediately
• BSM: Branch and Scramble Memory
• BSO: Branch on Sleepy Operator
• BSP: BackSpace Punch
• BSR: Branch and Stomp Registers
• BSS: Branch on SunSpot
• BSST: BackSpace and Stretch Tape
• BTD: Branch on Time of Day
• BTD: Byte The Dust
• BTI: Blow Trumpet Immediately
• BTJ: Branch and Turn Japanese
• BTO: Branch To Oblivion
• BTW: Branch on Third Wednesday
• BU: Branch Unexpectedly
• BUTI: Blow Up Terminal Immediately
• BVS: Branch and Veer South
• BW: Branch on Whim
• BWC: Branch When Convenient
• BWF: Busy, Wait Forever
• BWOP: BeWilder OPerator
• BYDS: Beware Your Dark Side
• BYTE: BYte TEst
• CAC: Calling All Cars
• CAC: Cash And Carry
• CAF: Convert ASCII to Farsii
• CAI: Corrupt Accounting Information
• CAIL: Crash After I Leave
• CAR: Cancel Accounts Receivable
• CAT: Confused And Tired
• CB: Consult Bozo
• CBA: Compare and Branch Anyway
• CBBR: Crash and Blow Boot Read-only memory
• CBNC: Close, But No Cigar
• CBS: Clobber BootStrap
• CC: Call Calvery
• CC: Compliment Core
• CCB: Chocolate Chip Byte-mode
• CCB: Consult Crystal Ball
• CCC: Crash if Carry Clear
• CCCP: Conditionally Corrupt Current Process
• CCD: Choke Cough and Die
• CCD: Clear Core and Dump
• CCR: Change Channels at Random
• CCS: Chinese Character Set
• CCWR: Change Color of Write Ring
• CD: Complement Disk
• CDC: Clear Disk and Crash
• CDC: Close Disk Cover
• CDIOOAZ: Calm Down, It's Only Ones And Zeroes
• CDS: Change Disk Speed
• CEMU: Close Eyes and Monkey with User space
• CEX: Call EXterminator
• CF: Come From [replaces goto]
• CFE: Call Field Engineer
• CFP: Change and Forget Password
• CFS: Corrupt File Structure
• CG: Convert to Garbage
• CH: Create Havoc
• CHCJ: Compare Haig to Christine Jorgensen
• CHPAMR: CHase Pointers Around Machine Room
• CHSE: Compare Half-words and Swap if Equal
• CIB: Change Important Byte
• CIC: Cash In Chips
• CID: Compare and Ignore Data
• CIMM: Create Imaginary Memory Map
• CIZ: Clear If Zero
• CLBR: CLoBber Register
• CLBRI: CLoBber Register Immediate
• CM: Circulate Memory
• CMD: CPU Melt Down
• CMD: Compare Meaningless Data
• CMI: Clobber Monitor Immediate
• CML: Compute Meaning of Life
• CMP: Create Memory Prosthesis
• CMS: Click MicroSwitch
• CN: Compare Nonsensically
• CNB: Cause Nervous Breakdown
• CNS: Call Nonexistent Subroutine
• COCS: Copy Object Code to Source
• COD: Crash On Demand
• COLB: Crash for Operator's Lunch Break
• COM: Clear Operator's Mind
• COMF: COMe From
• CON: Call Operator Now
• COS: Copy Object code to Source file
• COWYHU: Come Out With Your Hands Up
• CP: Compliment Programmer
• CP%FKM: CPU — FlaKeout Mode
• CP%WM: CPU — Weird Mode
• CPB: Create Program Bug
• CPN: Call Programmer Names
• CPPR: Crumple Printer Paper and Rip
• CRASH: Continue Running After Stop or Halt
• CRB: CRash and Burn
• CRD: Confirm Rumor by Denial
• CRM: CReate Memory
• CRM: Clear Random Memory
• CRN: Compare with Random Number
• CRN: Convert to Roman Numerals
• CRYPT: reCuRsive encrYPt Tape
• CS: Crash System
• CSL: Curse and Swear Loudly
• CSN: Call Supervisor Names
• CSNIO: Crash System on Next I/O
• CSS: Crash Subsidiary Systems
• CSU: Call Self Unconditional
• CTDMR: Change Tape Density, Mid Record
• CTT: Call Time and Temperature
• CU: Convert to Unary
• CUC: Cheat Until Caught
• CVFL: ConVert Floating to Logical
• CVFP: ConVert Fortran to Pascal
• CVG: ConVert to Garbage
• CVU: ConVert to Unary
• CWAH: Create Woman And Hold
• CWB: Carry With Borrow
• CWDC: Cut Wires and Drop Core
• CWG: Chase Wild Goose
• CWGK: Compare Watt to Genghis Khan
• CWIT: Compare Watt to Ivan the Terrible
• CWM: Compare Watt to Mussolini
• CWOM: Complement Write-Only Memory
• CZZC: Convert Zone to Zip Code
• DA: Develop Amnesia
• DAB: Delete All Bugs
• DAC: Divide And Conquer
• DAD: Destroy A-Disk
• DAO: Divide And Overflow
• DAP: De-select Active Peripheral
• DAUF: Delete All Useless Files
• DB: Drop Bits
• DBL: Desegregate Bus Lines
• DBR: DeBase Register
• DBTP: Drop Back Ten and Punt
• DBZ: Divide By Zero
• DC: Degauss Core
• DC: Divide and Conquer
• DCAD: Dump Core And Die
• DCD: Drop Cards Double
• DCGC: Dump Confusing Garbage to Console
• DCI: Disk Crash Immediate
• DCON: Disable CONsle
• DCR: Double-precision CRash
• DCT: Drop Cards Triple
• DD: Destroy Disk
• DD: Drop Disk
• DDC: Dally During Calculations
• DDOA: Drop Dead On Answer
• DDS: Delaminate Disk Surface
• DDT: Debug Program
• DDWB: Deposit Directly in Waste Basket
• DEB: Disk Eject Both
• DEC: Decompile Executable Code
• DEI: Disk Eject Immediate
• DEM: Disk Eject Memory
• DFA: Disable FAns
• DGO: Decrement the Grades of Others
• DGT: Dispense Gin and Tonic
• DHTPL: Disk Head Three Point Landing
• DIA: Develop Ineffective Address
• DICE: Delete Invalid Customer Engineer
• DIE: DIsable Everything
• DIF: DIsable Fuses
• DIG: DIsable Gravity
• DIH: Disable Interrupts and Hang
• DIRFO: Do It Right For Once
• DISC: DISmount CPU
• DK: Destroy Klingons
• DKP: Disavow Knowledge of Programmer
• DLN: Don't Look Now
• DLP: Drain Literal Pool
• DMAG: Do MAGic
• DMNS: Do what i Mean, Not what i Say
• DMP: Destroy Memory Protect key
• DMPE: Decide to Major in Phys. Ed.
• DMPK: Destroy Memory Protect Key
• DMZ: Divide Memory by Zero
• DND: Destroy Neighbor's Data
• DNPG: Do Not Pass Go
• DO: Divide and Overflow
• DO: Divide and Overflow [IBM PC]
• DOC: Drive Operator Crazy
• DOV: Divide and OVerflow
• DP: Destroy Peripherals
• DPC: Decrement Program Counter
• DPCS: Decrement Program Counter Secretly
• DPK: Destroy storage Protect Key
• DPMI: Declare Programmer Mentally Incompetent
• DPN: Double Precision No-op
• DPR: Destroy PRogram
• DPS: Disable Power Supply
• DR: Detach Root
• DRAF: DRAw Flowchart
• DRAM: Decrement RAM
• DRBA: Deposit Round-off in my Bank Account
• DRD: DRop Dead
• DRI: Disable Random Interrupt
• DROM: Destroy ROM
• DRT: Disconnect Random Terminal
• DS: Deadlock System
• DSD: Dismount System Disk
• DSI: Do Something Interesting
• DSO: Disable System Operator
• DSP: Degrade System Performance
• DSR: Detonate Status Register
• DSTD: Do Something Totally Different
• DSUIT: Do Something Utterly, Indescribably Terrible
• DT%FFP: DecTape — unload and Flappa FlaP
• DT%SHO: DecTape — Spin Hubs Opposite
• DTB: Destructively Test Bit
• DTC: Destroy This Command
• DTE: Decrement Telephone Extension
• DTI: Do The Impossible
• DTRT: Do The Right Thing
• DTVFL: Destroy Third Variable From Left
• DU: Dump User
• DUD: Do Until Dead
• DW: Destroy World
• DWIM: Do What I Mean
• DWIT: Do What I'm Thinking
• DWIW: Do What I Want
• EA: Enable Anything
• EAC: Emulate Acoustic Coupler
• EAL: Enable AC to Logic rack
• EAO: Enable AC to Operator
• EBB: Edit and Blank Buffer
• EBB: Empty Bit Bucket
• EBR: Erase Before Reading
• EBRS: Emit Burnt Resistor Smell
• EC: Eat Card
• ECF: Explode and Catch Fire
• ECL: Early Care Lace
• ECO: Electrocute Computer Operator
• ECP: Erase Card Punch
• ED: Eject Disk
• ED: Execute Data
• EDD: Eat Disk and Die
• EDIT: Erase Data and Increment Time
• EDP: Emulate Debugged Program
• EDR: Emit Deadly Radiation
• EDR: Execute Destructive Read
• EDS: Execute Data Segment
• EEOIFNO: Execute Every Other Instruction From Now On
• EEP: Erase Entire Program
• EFB: Emulate Five-volt Battery
• EFD: Eject Floppy Disk
• EFD: Emulate Frisbee using Disk pack
• EFE: Emulate Fatal Error
• EHC: Emulate Headless Chicken
• EIA: Elvis Is Alive
• EIAO: Execute In Any Order
• EIO: Erase I/O page
• EIO: Execute Invalid Op-code
• EIO: Execute Invalid Opcode
• EIOC: Execute Invalid Op-Code
• EJD: EJect Disk
• EJD%V: EJect Disk — with initial velocity V
• ELP: Enter Loop Permenantly
• EM: EMulate 407
• EM: Evacuate Memory
• EMIF: Erase Most Important File
• EMM: Emulate More Memory
• EMPC: EMulate Pocket Calculator
• EMSE: Edit and Mark Something Else
• EMSL: Entire Memory Shift Left
• EMT: Electrocute Maintenance Technician
• EMW: Emulate Maytag Washer
• ENA: ENable Anything
• ENE: ENable Everything
• END: Erase Neighbor's Data
• ENF: Emit Noxious Fumes
• ENG: ENable Gravity
• ENO: Emulate No-Op
• EO: Electrocute Operator
• EOB: Execute Operator and Branch
• EOI: Explode On Interrupt
• EOS: Erase Operating System
• EP: Execute Programmer
• EPD: Explode Peripheral Device
• EPI: Execute Programmer Immediate
• EPITS: Execute Previous Instruction Then Skip
• EPL: Emulate Phone Line
• EPP: Eject Printer Paper
• EPS: Electrostatic Print and Smear
• EPS: Execute Program Sideways
• EPSW: Execute Program Status Word
• EPT: Erase Process Table
• EPT: Erase Punched Tape
• ERIC: Eject Random Integrated Circuit
• ERM: Erase Reserved Memory
• EROM: Erase Read-Only Memory
• EROS: Erase Read-Only Storage
• EROS: Erase Read-Only Storage [Everex int]
• ERS: Erase Read-only Storage
• ESB: Eject Selectric Ball
• ESC: Emulate System Crash
• ESD: Eject Spinning Dish
• ESL: Exceed Speed of Light
• ESP: Enable SPrinkler system
• ETI: Execute This Instruction
• ETM: Emulate Trinary Machine
• ETPH: E. T. Phone Home
• EVC: Execute Verbal Commands
• EWD: Enter Warp Drive
• EWM: Enter Whimsy Mode
• EXB: EXcrement and Branch
• EXE: EXecute Engineer
• EXI: EXecute Invalid operation
• EXO: EXecute Operator
• EXOP: EXecute OPerator
• EXP: EXecute Programmer
• EXPP: EXecute Political Prisoner
• FAY: Fetch Amulet of Yendor
• FB: Find Bugs
• FC: Fry Console
• FCJ: Feed Card and Jam
• FCJ: Feed Cards and Jam
• FD: Forget Data
• FDR: Feed Disk Randomly
• FERA: Forms Eject and Run Away
• FFF: Form Feed Forever
• FLD: FLing Disk
• FLI: Flash Lights Impressively
• FM: Forget Memory
• FMP: Finish My Program
• FOPC: False Out-of-Paper Condition
• FPC: Feed Paper Continuously
• FPT: Fire Photon Torpedoes
• FRG: Fill with Random Garbage
• FRS: Fetch Ring of Sauron
• FS: Feign Sleep
• FSM: Fold, Spindle, and Mutilate
• FSR: Form Skip and Runaway
• FSRA: Forms Skip and Run Away
• FYBR: Follow Yellow Brick Road
• GAP: Grade All Projects
• GBB: Go to Back of Bus
• GCAR: Get Correct Answer Regardless
• GCR: Generate Confusing Results
• GDP: Grin Defiantly at Programmer
• GDR: Grab Degree and Run
• GENT: GENerate Thesis
• GEW{JO}: Go to the End of the World {Jump Off}
• GFD: Go Forth and Divide
• GFM: Go Forth and Multiply
• GIE: Generate Irreversible Error
• GL: Get Lost
• GLC: Generate Lewd Comment
• GMC: Generate Machine Check
• GMCC: Generate Machine Check and Cash
• GND: Guess at Next Digit
• GORS: GO Real Slow
• GPCR: Generate Petty Cache Request
• GR: Get Real
• GREM: Generate Random Error Message
• GREP: Global Ruin, Expiration, and Purgation
• GRMC: Generate Rubber Machine Check
• GS: Get Strange
• GSB: Gulp and Store Bytes
• GSI: Generate Spurious Interrupts
• GSU: Geometric Shift Up
• GTJ: Go To Jail
• HAC: Hold All Calls
• HACF: Halt And Catch Fire
• HAH: Halt And Hang
• HBW: Hang Bus and Wait
• HCF: Halt and Catch Fire
• HCP: Hide Central Processor
• HCRS: Hang in CRitical Section
• HDH: Hi Dee Ho
• HDO: Halt and Disable Operator
• HDRW: Halt and Display Random Word
• HELP: Hinder Everyone with Little Productivity
• HELP: Type 'No Help Available'
• HEO: Halt and Execute Operator
• HF: Hide File
• HGD: Halt, Get Drunk
• HHB: Halt and Hang Bus
• HIS: Halt in Imposible State
• HOO: Hide Operator's Output
• HRPR: Hang up and Ruin Printer Ribbon
• HSC: Halt on System Crash
• HSJ: Halt, Skip and Jump
• HTC: Halt and Toss Cookies
• HTS: Halt and Throw Sparks
• HUAL: Halt Until After Lunch
• HUP: Hang Up Phone
• HWP: Halt Without Provocation
• IA: Illocical And
• IAE: Ignore All Exceptions
• IAI: Inquire And Ignore
• IAND: Illogical AND
• IAR: Ignore All Requests
• IB: Insert Bug
• IBM: Increment and Branch to Muncee
• IBP: Insert Bug and Proceed
• IBR: Insert Bugs at Random
• ICB: Interrupt, Crash and Burn
• ICM: Immerse Central Memory
• ICMD: Initiate Core Melt Down
• ICR: Incur Costly Repair [Sun Tempest]
• ICSP: Invert Crt Screen Picture
• IDC: Initiate Destruct Command
• IDI: Invoke Divine Intervention
• IDNOP: InDirect No-OP
• IDPS: Ignore Disk Protect Switch
• IEOF: Ignore End Of File
• IF: Invoke Force
• IGI: Increment Grade Immediate
• IGIT: Increment Grade Immediate Twice
• IGO: Increment Grade Overnight
• IHC: Initiate Head Crash
• IHTFP: Increment Hormones, Test For Puberty
• II: Inquire and Ignore
• IIB: Ignore Inquiry and Branch
• IIC: Insert Invisible Characters
• IIL: Irreversable Infinite Loop
• IM: Imagine Memory
• IMBP: Insert Mistake and Blame Programmer
• IMP: Imitate Monty Python
• IMPG: IMPress Girlfriend
• IMV: IMpress Visitors
• INCAM: INCrement Arbitrary Memory
• ING: INquire and iGnore
• INI: Ignore Next Instruction
• INOP: Indirect No-OP
• INR: INstigate Rumor
• INW: INvalidate Warranty
• IOI: Ignore Operator's Instruction
• IOR: Illogical OR
• IOS: Ignore Operating System
• IP: Increment and Pray
• IPI: Ignore Previous Instruction
• IPM: Ignore Programmer's Mistakes
• IPOP: Interrupt Processor, Order Pizza
• IPS: Incinerate Power Supply
• IPS: Increment Power Supply
• IPT: Ignite Paper Tape
• IRB: Invert Record and Branch
• IRBI: Insert Random Bits Indexed
• IRC: Insert Random Commands
• IRE: Insert Random Errors
• IRI: Ignore Rude Interrupts
• IRPF: Infinite Recursive Page Fault
• ISC: Ignore Supervisor Calls
• ISC: Ignore System Crash
• ISC: Insert Sarcastic Comments
• ISI: Increment and Skip on Inifinity
• ISP: Increment and Skip on Pi
• ISTK: Invert STacK
• ITML: Initiate Termites into Macro Library
• IU: Ignore User[s]
• IXOR: Illogical eXclusive OR
• IZ: Ignore Zeroes
• JAA: Jump Almost Always
• JBS: Jump and Blow Stack
• JCI: Jump to Current Instruction
• JFM: Jump on Full Moon
• JHRB: Jump to H&R Block
• JLP: Jump and Lose Pointer
• JLR: Jump and Lose Return
• JMAT: JuMp on Alternate Thursdays
• JN: Jump to Nowhere
• JNL: Jump when programmer is Not Looking
• JOB: Jump On Beaver
• JOM: Jump Out of Memory
• JOM: Jump Over Moon
• JOP: Jump OPerator
• JPA: Jump when Pizza Arrives
• JRAN: Jump RANdom
• JRCF: Jump Relative and Catch Fire
• JRGA: Jump Relative and Get Arrested
• JRL: Jump to Random Location
• JRSR: Jump to Random SubRoutine
• JSC: Jump on System Crash
• JSOR: Jump Somewhere Over Rainbow
• JSU: Jump Self Unconditional
• JT: Jump if Tuesday
• JTT: Jump and Tangle Tape
• JTZ: Jump to Twilight Zone
• JWN: Jump When Necessary
• KCE: Kill Consultant on Error
• KCE: Kill repairman [CE]
• KDO: Knock Disk Over
• KEPITU: Kill Every Process In The Universe
• KOP: Kill OPerator
• KP: Krunch Paper
• KPR: Kill PRogrammer
• KSR: Keyboard Shift Right
• KUD: Kill User's Data
• KWWE: Kill Wicked Witch of East
• KWWW: Kill Wicked Witch of West
• LAC: Lose All Communication
• LAGW: Load And Go Wrong
• LAP: Laugh At Program
• LAP: Laugh At Programmer
• LCC: Load and Clear Core
• LCD: Launch Cartridge Disk
• LCK: Lock Console Keyswitch
• LEB: Link Edit Backwards
• LIA: Load Ineffective Address
• LMB: Lose Message and Branch
• LMO: Load and Mug Operator
• LMYB: Logical MaYBe
• LN: Lose inode Number
• LNP: Load N digits of Pi
• LOSM: Log Off System Manager
• LP%PAS: Line Printer — Print And Smear
• LP%RDD: Line Printer — Reverse Drum Direction
• LP%TCR: Line Printer — Tangle and Chew Ribbon
• LPA: Lead Programmer Astray
• LPRTC: Load Program counter from Real Time Clock
• LR: Load Revolver
• LRA: Load RetroActively
• LRB: Lose Record and Branch
• LRD: Load Random Data
• LSPSW: Load and Scramble PSW
• LTS: Link To Sputnik
• LTS: Loop Till Smokes
• LUM: LUbricate Memory
• LWE: Load WhatEver
• LWM: Load Write-only Memory
• MAB: Melt Address Bus
• MAN: Make Animal Noises
• MAZ: Multiply Answer by Zero
• MBC: Make Batch Confetti
• MBF: Multiply and Be Fruitful
• MBH: Memory Bank Hold-up
• MBTD: Mount Beatles on Tape Drive
• MBTOL: Move Bug To Operator's Lunch
• MC: Move Continuous
• MD: Move Devious
• MDB: Move and Drop Bits
• MDC: Make Disk Crash
• MDDHAF: Make Disk Drive Hop Across Floor
• MFO: Mount Female Operator
• MILI: Move It or Lose It
• MLB: Memory Left shift and Branch
• MLP: Make Lousy Program
• MLP: Multiply and Lose Precision
• MLR: Move and Lose Record
• MMF: Melt Main Frame
• MMLG: Make Me Look Good
• MNI: Misread Next Instruction
• MOG: Make Operator Growl
• MOP: Modify Operator's Personality
• MPLP: Make Pretty Light Pattern
• MRZ: Make Random Zap
• MSGD: Make Screen Go Dim
• MSP: Mistake Sign for Parity
• MSPI: Make Sure Plugged In
• MSR: Melt Special Register
• MST: Mount Scotch Tape
• MTE: Mangle Tape on Exit
• MTI: Make Tape Invalid
• MUG: Make Ugly Graphics
• MUM: Multi-Use Mnemonics
• MW: Malfunction Whenever
• MW: Multiply Work
• MWC: Move and Wrap Core
• MWT: Malfunction Without Telling
• NBC: Negate By Clearing
• NCW: Notch Carriage and Way
• NMI: Negate Most Integers
• NOP: Needlessly Omit Pointer
• NPC: Normalize Program Counter
• NPN: No Program Necessary [VAX]
• NTGH: Not Tonight, i've Got a Headache
• OBB: Overflow Bit Bucket
• OCF: Open Circular File
• OMC: Obscene Message to Console
• OMC: Overheat Memory Chip
• OML: Obey Murphy's Laws
• OPI: Order Pizza Immediately
• OPP: Order Pizza for Programmer
• OSI: Overflow Stack Immediate
• OSI: Overflow Stack Indefinite
• OSP: Open Six-Pack
• OTL: Out To Lunch
• OU: Offend User
• P$*!: Punch Obscenity
• PA: Punch in ASCII
• PAL: Pack And Leave
• PAS: Print And Smear
• PAUD: PAUse Dramatically
• PAZ: Pack Alpha Zone
• PAZ: Pack Alpha and drop Zones
• PBC: Print and Break Chain
• PBD: Print and Break Drum
• PBL: Pack Bags and Leave
• PBM: Pop Bubble Memory
• PBPBPBP: Place Backup in Plain Brown Paper Bag Please
• PBST: Play Batch mode Star Trek
• PCB: Pause for Coffee Break
• PCD: PunCh Disk
• PCI: Pleat Cards Immediate
• PCR: Print and Cut Ribbon
• PCS: Push to Centre of Stack
• PD: Play Dead
• PD: Punch Disk
• PDLD: Power Down and Lock Door [to computer room]
• PDSK: Punch DiSK
• PEHC: Punch Extra Holes in Cards
• PEP: Print on Edge of Paper
• PFD: Punt on Fourth Down
• PFE: Print Floating Eye
• PFML: Print Four Million Lines
• PG: Print Garbage
• PHO: Pull Hair Out
• PI: Punch Invalid
• PIBM: Pretend to be an IBM
• PIC: Print Illegible Characters
• PIC: Print Invalid Character
• PIC: Punch Invalid Character
• PLSC: Perform Light Show on Console
• PNIH: Place Needle In Haystack
• PNRP: Print Nasty Replies to Programmer
• PO: Punch Operator
• POCL: Punch Out Console Lights
• POG: Print Only Greek
• POP: Pop Or Push
• POPI: Punch OPerator Immediate
• POPN: Punch OPerator's Nose
• PPA: Print Paper Airplanes
• PPC: Purge Pascal Compiler [HP 3000]
• PPL: Perform Perpetual Loop
• PPP: Print Programmer's Picture
• PPR: Play Punk Rock
• PPSW: Pack Program Status Word
• PPSW: Pack Progran Status Word
• PRS: PRint and Smear
• PSP: Print and Shred Paper
• PSR: Print and Shred Ribbon
• PTP: Produce Toilet Paper
• PUO: Perform Unknown Operation
• PVLC: Punch Variable Length Card
• PWP: Print Without Paper
• PWS: create PoWer Surge
• PYS: Program YourSelf
• QBDH: Quit and Become a DeadHead
• QWYA: Quit While Your Ahead
• RA: Randomize Answer
• RAM: Randomly Access Memory
• RAM: Read Ambiguous Memory
• RAN: RANdom opcode [similar to 16-bit what gate]
• RASC: Read And Shred Card
• RAST: Read And Shred Tape
• RAU: Ridicule All Users
• RBAO: Ring Bell and Annoy Operator
• RBLY: Restore Back-up from Last Year
• RBT: Read Blank Tape
• RBT: Rewind and Break Tape
• RC: Rewind Core
• RCAJ: Read Card And Jam
• RCB: Read Command Backwards
• RCB: Run Clock Backwards
• RCC: Read Card and Chew
• RCCP: Randomly Corrupt Current Process
• RCF: Rewind Cabinet Fans
• RCKG: Read Count Key and Garbage
• RCL: Rotate Carry Left
• RCP: Reschedule Car Payments
• RCR: Rewind Card Reader
• RCRV: Randomly Convert to Reverse Video
• RCS: Read Card and Scramble data
• RCSD: Read Card and Scramble Data
• RD: Randomize Data
• RD: Reverse Directions
• RDA: Refuse to Disclose Answer
• RDB: Replace Database with Blanks
• RDB: Run Disk Backwards
• RDD: Reverse Disk Drive
• RDDBF: Rock Disk Drive Back and Forth
• RDEB: Read and Drop Even number of Bits
• RDF: Randomize Directory Filenames
• RDI: Reverse Drum Immediate
• RDI: Reverse Drun Immediate
• RDI: Rewind Disk Immediate
• RDR: Reverse Disk Rotation
• RDS: ReaD Sideways
• RENVR: REName Variables Randomly
• RET: Read and Erase Tape
• RF: Read Fingerprints
• RG: Record Garbage
• RHNEZ: Randomize and Halt if Not Equal to Zero
• RHO: Randomize and Hold all Output
• RIC: Rotate Illogical thru Carry
• RID: Read Invalid Data
• RIG: Read Inter-record Gap
• RIOP: Rotate I/O Ports
• RIR: Read Invalid Record
• RIRG: Read Inter-Record Gap
• RJE: Return Jump and Explode
• RLC: Relocate and Lose Core
• RLC: Reread Last Card
• RLC: Rotate Left with Carolyn
• RLI: Rotate Left Indefinitely
• RLP: Refill Light Pen
• RLP: Rewind Line Printer
• RM: Ruin My files
• RMI: Randomize Memory Immediate
• RMM: Read Manager's Mind
• RMT: ReMove Trap
• RMV: Remove Memory Virtues
• RN: Read Noise
• RNBS: Reflect Next Bus Signal
• RNR: Read Noise Record
• ROC: Randomize Op Codes
• ROC: Rotate Outward from Center
• ROD: ROtate Diagonally
• ROM: Read Operator's Mind
• ROO: Rub Out Operator
• ROOP: Run Out Of Paper
• ROPF: Read Other People's Files
• ROS: Reject Operating System
• ROS: Return On Shield
• RP: Read Printer
• RPB: Raise Parity Bits
• RPB: Read Print and Blush
• RPB: Reverse Parity and Branch
• RPBR: Reverse Parity and BRanch
• RPC: Rotate Program Counter
• RPM: Read Programmer's Mind
• RPU: Read character and Print Upsidedown
• RRC: Rotate Random thru Carry
• RRR: Randomly Rotate Register
• RRR: Read Record and Run away
• RRR: Read Record and Run-away
• RRRL: Random Rotate Register Left
• RRRR: Random Rotate Register Right
• RRSTC: Return on Ruby Slippers Triple-Click
• RRT: Record and Rip Tape
• RS: Random Slew
• RSD: on Read error Self-Destruct
• RST: Rewind and Stretch Tape
• RSTOM: Read from STore-Only Memory
• RT: Reduce Throughput
• RTP: Reduce ThroughPut
• RTS: Return To Sender
• RVAC: Return from VACation
• RWC: ReWind and Crash heads
• RWCR: ReWind Card Reader
• RWD: ReWind Disk
• RWE: Run Without Error
• RWF: Read Wrong File
• RWT: Read/Write while stretching Tape
• SA: Store Anywhere
• SAD: Search And Destroy
• SAI: Skip All Instructions
• SAK: Snooze At Keyboard
• SAS: Show Appendix Scar
• SAS: Sit And Spin
• SBE: Swap Bits Erratically
• SBF: Skip on Bitbucket Full
• SC: Scramble Channels
• SC: Shred Cards
• SCB: Spindle Card and Belch
• SCCA: Short Circuit on Correct Answer
• SCD: Shuffle and Cut Dec
• SCH: Slit Cards Horizontal
• SCI: Shred Cards Immediate
• SCM: Set for Crash Mode
• SCOM: Set Cobol-Only Mode
• SCP: SCatter Printer
• SCRRC: SCRamble Register Contents
• SCST: Switch Channel to Star Trek
• SCTR: Stick Card To Reader
• SD: Scramble Directory
• SD: Slip Disk
• SDC: Spool Disk to Console
• SDD: Seek and Destroy Data
• SDD: Spin Disk Dry
• SDDB: Snap Disk Drive Belt
• SDE: Solve Differential Equations
• SDI: Self Destruct Immediate
• SDM: Search and Destroy Memory
• SDR: Slam Down Rondo [worst soda ever made]
• SEB: Stop Eating and Burp
• SEOB: Set Every Other Bit
• SESUR: Sing Elvis Songs Until he Returns
• SEX: Set EXecution register
• SEX: Sign EXtend
• SFH: Set Flags to Half-mast
• SFP: Send For Pizza
• SFR: Send For Reinforcements
• SFT: Stall For Time
• SFTT: Strip Form Tractor Teeth
• SHAB: SHift A Bit
• SHABM: SHift A Bit More
• SHB: Stop and Hang Bus
• SHCD: SHuffle Card Deck
• SHON: Simulate HONeywell CPU [permanent no-op]
• SHR: SHift Random
• SHRC: SHRed Card
• SHRT: SHRed Tape
• SID: Switch to Infinite Density
• SIP: Store Indefinite Precision
• SJV: Scramble Jump Vectors
• SLP: Sharpen Light Pen
• SMC: Scramble Memory Contents
• SMD: Spontaneous Memory Dump
• SMR: Skip on Meaningless Result
• SMS: Shred Mylar Surface
• SNARF: System Normalize And Reset Flags
• SNM: Show No Mercy
• SNO: Send Nukes on Overflow
• SOAWP: SOlve All the World'd Problems
• SOB: Stew On Brew
• SOD: Surrender Or Die
• SOL: Shift On Low
• SOP: Stop and Order Pizza
• SOS: Sign Off, Stupid
• SOT: Sit On a Tack
• SP: Scatter Print
• SPA: Sliding Point Arithmetic
• SPB: Simulate Peanut Butter
• SPD: SPin Disk
• SPS: Set Panel Switches
• SPSW: Scramble Program Status Word
• SQPWYC: Sit Quietly and Play With Your Crayons
• SRBO: Set Random Bits to Ones
• SRBZ: Set Random Bits to Zeroes
• SRC: Select Random Channel
• SRC: Select Reader and Chew cards
• SRCC: Select Reader and Chew Cards
• SRD: Switch to Random Density
• SRDR: Shift Right Double Ridiculous
• SRO: Sort with Random Ordering
• SROS: Store in Read-Only Storage
• SRR: Shift Registers Random
• SRSD: Seek Record and Scar Disk
• SRSD: Seek Record and Scratch Disk
• SRTC: Stop Real-Time Clock
• SRU: Signoff Random User
• SRZ: Subtract and Reset to Zero
• SSB: Scramble Status Byte
• SSD: Scratch System Disk
• SSD: Stacker Select Disk
• SSD: Stop and Scratch Disk [3815]
• SSJ: Select Stacker and Jam
• SSJP: Select Stacker and JumP
• SSM: Solve by Supernatural Means
• SSM: Stacker Select Memory
• SSP: Seek SPindle
• SSP: Smoke and SPark
• SST: Seek and Stretch Tape
• SSW: Scramble Status Word
• ST: Set and Test
• STA: STore Anywhere
• STC: Slow To a Crawl
• STD: Stop, Take Drugs
• STM: STretch Magtape
• STM: Skip on Third Monday
• STO: Strangle Tape Operator
• STPR: SToP Rain
• STRIKE: STRIKE for more pay, better hours, etc.
• STROM: STore in Read-Only Memory
• STTHB: Set Terminal to Three Hundred Baud
• SUIQ: Subtract User's IQ
• SUME: SUprise ME
• SUP: Shred User Printout
• SUP: Solve Unsolvable Problem
• SUS: Stop Until Spring
• SUS: Subtract Until Senseless
• SWAT: SWAp Terminals
• SWN: SWap Nibbles
• SWOS: Store in Write-Only Storage
• SWS: Sort to Wrong Slots
• SWT: Select Wrong Terminal
• SWU: Select Wrong Unit
• SWZN: Skip Whether Zero or Not
• SZD: Switch to Zero Density
• TAH: Take A Hike
• TAI: Trap Absurd Inputs
• TARC: Take Arithmetic Review Course
• TBFTG: Two Burgers and Fries To Go
• TC: Transmit Colors
• TDB: Transfer and Drop Bits
• TDRB: Test and Destroy Random Bits
• TDS: Trash Data Segment
• TET: Triple Execution Time [SUN]
• TLNF: Teach me a Lesson i'll Never Forget
• TLO: Turn indicator Lights Off
• TLW: Transfer and Lose Way
• TN: Take a Nap
• TOAC: Turn Off Air Conditioner
• TOG: Take Out Garbage
• TOG: Time Out, Graduate
• TOH: Take Operator Hostage
• TOO: Turn On/off Operator
• TOP: Trap OPerator
• TOS: Trash Operating System
• TOW: Take Over World
• TPD: Terminal Printer Destruct
• TPD: Total Program Diagnostic
• TPD: Triple Pack Decimal
• TPDH: Tell Programmer to Do it Himself
• TPF: Turn Power oFf
• TPN: Turn Power oN
• TPO: Turn Power Off
• TPR: Tear PapeR
• TR: Turn into Rubbish
• TRA: Te Rdls Arvs [type ridiculous abbreviations]
• TRD: TRansfer and Drop bit
• TSH: Trap Secretary and Halt
• TSM: Trap Secretary and Mount
• TST: Trash System Tracks
• TT%CN: TeleType — Clunk Noise
• TT%EKB: TeleType — Electrify KeyBoard
• TTA: Try, Try Again
• TTIHLIC: Try To Imagine How Little I Care
• TTITT: Turn 2400 foot Tape Into Two 1200 foot Tapes
• TTL: Tap Trunk Line
• TTL: Time To Logoff
• TYF: Trust Your Feelings
• UA: Unload Accumulator
• UAI: Use Alternate Instruction set
• UAPA(AM): Use All Power Available (And More)
• UCB: Uncouple CPU and Branch
• UCIP: Update Card In Place
• UCK: Unlock Console Keyswitch
• UCLB: Uncouple Comm Lines and Branch
• UCM: Uncouple CoMm lines and branch
• UCPUB: Uncouple CPUs and Branch
• UDR: Update and Delete Record
• UER: Update and Erase Record
• UFO: Unidentified Flag Operation
• ULDA: UnLoaD Accumulator
• UMR: Unlock Machine Room
• UNPD: UNPlug and Dump
• UOP: Useless OPeration
• UP: Understand Program[mer]
• UPA: Use all Power Available
• UPC: Understand Program[mer]'s Comments
• UPI: Undo Previous Instruction
• URB: Update, Resume and Branch
• UTF: Unwind Tape onto Floor
• UTF: Use The Force
• UUBR: Use Undefined Base Register
• VAX: Violate All eXecutions
• VFE: Violate Field Engineer
• VFO: Violate Female Operator
• VMA: Violate Maintenance Agreement
• VNO: Violate Noise Ordinance
• VPA: Vanishing Point Arithmetic
• VVM: Vaporize Virtual Memory
• WAD: Walk Away in Disgust
• WAT: WAste Time
• WBB: Write to the Bit Bucket
• WBT: Water Binary Tree
• WC: Waste Core
• WCR: Write to Card Reader
• WDR: Warp disk DRive
• WED: Write and Erase Data
• WEMG: Write Eighteen Minute Gap
• WF: Wait Forever
• WGPB: Write Garbage in Process-control Block
• WHFO: Wait until Hell Freezes Over
• WHP: Wave Hands over Program
• WI: Why Immediate
• WI: Write Illegibly
• WID: Write Invalid Data
• WMC: Write Millions of Comments
• WNAM: We Need A Miracle
• WNHR: Write New Hit Record
• WNR: Write Noise Record
• WP: Write Poop
• WPET: Write Past End of Tape
• WPM: Write Programmer's Mind
• WSE: Write Stack Everywhere
• WSWW: Work in Strange and Wondrous Ways
• WUPO: Wad Up Printer Output
• WWLR: Write Wrong Length Record
• WWR: Write Wrong Record
• XXIO: eXecute Invalid Opcode
• XXKF: eXecute Kermit the Frog
• XXM: eXclusive Maybe
• XXMB: eXclusive MayBe
• XXOH: eXecute no-Op and Hang
• XXOR: eXecute OpeRator
• XXOS: eXchange Operator's Sex
• XXPR: eXecute PRogrammer
• XXPSW: eXecute Program Status Word
• XXSP: eXecute Systems Programmer
• XXVF: eXchange Virtue for Fun
• YAB: Yet Another Bug
• YASE: Yet Another Stupid Error
• ZAP: Zero and Add Packed
• ZAR: Zero Any Register
• ZD: Zap Directory
• ZEOW: Zero Every Other Word
• ZPI: ZaP Immediate