Computer Jokes

They would immediately change the name to WatMas.

The staff would sell you ornaments, but not know anything about them or what they were for. Or you could buy parts to build your own tree.

The holiday would be cheap, small, quartz-crystal driven, and would let you take a licking and keep on shopping.

You would be able to hang over 64,000 ornaments on your tree (all identical) at the same time.

The holiday season would cost $16 million but would be celebrated faster than any other holiday during the year.

Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted item from an authentic Civil War pewter ornament collection. Each ornament would weight about seven pounds, and require you to pay shipping and handling charges.

Their Personal Xmas-ing Device, which would be barely larger than an ornament and flat, would allow you to celebrate the season with a device attached conveniently to your belt.

They would market the Reverse Polish Ornament, which is put in your attic on the weekend after Thanksgiving, and placed out for viewing the day after the January Bowl Games.

Your ornaments would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to monitor your tree for reasons of national security.

The ornaments would be large perfectly smooth and seamless black cubes. Christmas morning there would be presents for everyone, but no one would know what they were. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number, and be located at the North Pole. Blueprints for ornaments would be highly classified government documents. X-Files would have an episode about them.