Celebrities

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
→ Everyone has the same DNA.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
→ Mace.

How do you know Monica Lewinsky is Jewish?
→ If she wasn't, she wouldn't have stained her dress.

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of a reservation, she asked a Brave, who had only one feather in his headdress, "Why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses?" His reply was, "Me have only one sqaw, me have only one feather." She asked another Brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking. This Brave had four feathers in his headdress. He replied, "Ugh; me have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws." Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of sqaws involved, she decided to interview the Chief.

Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers, which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"

The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me Chief. Me fuck-em all. Big, small, fat, tall. Me fuck-em all." Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be hung!" The Chief replied, "You damned right, me hung. Big like buffalo, long like snake." Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so goddamned hostile!" The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any-style, me fuck-em all!" With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear." The Chief said, "No deer. Me no fuck deer. Asshole too high and fuckers run too fast. No fuck deer!"

I heard on the news last night that Bill Gates and his wife are expecting a baby in June.

I'm betting the baby will be late.

Interesting things about Monica Lewinsky:

• Nobody would know about her if it weren't for Bill
• She sucks
• She blows
• She's bloated
• She's the focus of a huge legal battle
• She'll go down in a heartbeat

Who does she think she is, Microsoft Windows?

What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words? Which one's Mommy?

It was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, when they saw a bush with a pig's ass popping out. The first man says, "I wish that was Demi Moore's Ass." The second man says, "I wish that was Pamela Anderson's Ass." Then the third man says, "I wish it was dark."

Experts say that although Frank Sinatra is dead, his act is still 150% more entertaining than Frank Sinatra Jr.'s.

Frank Sinatra, "Old Blue Eyes," has died.

Frank will now be known as "Old Closed Eyes."