Celebrities

If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
→ Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.

One day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: 'HELP! HELP!'
When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. The boy said, 'I want a boat.'
The second boy said 'I want a truck.'
And the third boy said, 'I want three tombstones with are names all on them.' Bill Clinton said, 'why is that son?'
The little boy said, 'because when my Dad finds out that we saved you, he is going to kill us all!'

How did Bill and Hillary Clinton first meet?
→ They were both dating the same girl in high school.

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her.
She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "How could you have let this happen?
With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you??!!! I can't believe this!
I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have you got to say???"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "Did you hear me??!!" Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"

What does Clinton have in common with his Hollywood pals?
→ They all make a living by lying to people.

Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
→ To promote off-shore drilling.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter?
→ It took Bill less than 100 days to botch a military mission.

Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea's new private school?
→ They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform.

What was the real purpose of Bill's college visit to Moscow?
→ To study economics.

What will Bill's favorite retail outlet be after his economic blueprint takes effect?
→ Everything's $100.