Blonde Jokes

What is a blonde's way of having safe sex?
→ Locking the car doors!

A group of blondes walks into a bar, all excited and giggling. They order a round of drinks.

One of the blondes raises her glass and shouts excitedly, "51!!" "51!!" The other blondes echo. After they have finished their drinks, another round is ordered. Again, the blondes toast "51". This happens a few times.

Finally, the bartender speaks up. "Excuse me," He says, "But why do you ladies keep doing that?" "Well," Says one of the blondes, very bubbly, "We got a puzzle, right? And it said 2-4 years on the box. We finished it in 51 days!!!!!"

A blonde was standing in front of a pop machine. Her boyfriend looks over and hears her screaming at the machine...

"You're a dumb-looking button!" "You don't have much of a future, either!" "You're going to be replaced by a much better looking button!" "I've got better looking buttons than you in my dresser drawer!"

Thinking she flipped her lid, her boyfriend walks over to see what the fuss is about.

"What in the heck are you doing?" her boyfriend asks.

The blonde quickly points to the sign on the front of the machine that reads... "DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE".

Once there was this guy, and he was driving in his car, and all of a sudden, he sees the Easter Bunny hopping on the road. Well, he was going too fast, and he didn't hit the brakes in time, so he hit the Easter Bunny.

He was really upset, and was thinking, "Oh no, what about all those poor little kids?? What can I do!?" Then, a blonde drove up in her car, and asked, "What's wrong?" "I hit the Easter Bunny!!" said the guy. "Oh, I know what to do," said the blonde, and she went into her car, got a can, and sprayed the Easter Bunny with it.

A few minutes later, the Easter Bunny got up, hopped a little bit, turned around and waved, hopped a little, turned around and waved, and it kept doing that. When the Easter Bunny was out of sight, the guy turned to the blonde and asked, "Wow, I'm dying to know what was in that can!!"

"Oh," said the blonde, "It was hair spray. It says, 'Spray on dead hair for permanent wave.'"

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
→ 30 - 1 to make the batter and 29 to peel the smarties.

There was a blonde and a brunette watching the 10:00 news. A news reporter was in the foreground, giving a report. In the background there was a man and a bridge.

"I'll bet you 50 bucks that the guy jumps off of the bridge," the brunette said to the blonde. "Okay, it's a bet." A moment later, the man did jump off the bridge and the blonde pulled out 50 dollars. "I can't take it." "You have to, it was a bet." "I really can't take it. You see, I watched the 6:00 news and saw him jump then." The brunette was feeling very humble at this point.

And the blonde said... "Well, I watched it too, but I didn't think he'd jump twice!"

How can you tell that your blonde secretary has been typing on your computer?
→ White-out on the screen!

How can you tell she's made the corrections?
→ She wrote over the white out!

Why did the blond jump off the bridge?
→ To see if her maxipad really had wings..

How can you tell a blonde is under stress?
→ She's got her tampax behind one ear and she can't find her pen!

Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.

Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.

They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.

About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."

Sally replied, "I don't understand! Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left."