Bar Jokes

Why don't elephants like martinis?
→ Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose?

A blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Bring me a beer."
The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?"
To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"

Once upon a time, a guy was sitting at a bar.
He was throwing money around, giving the barman hundred dollar tips and buying drinks for everyone. He was surrounded by a crowd of adoring women.
The barman liked the tips, but he was kind of curious about a little man that would jump from the rich guy's pocket.
The little man would run up and down the bar, kicking over the bowls of peanuts and giving people the finger.
Then the little guy would jump back into the man's jacket for a while.
The barman went over and asked the guy what was up.
So the rich guy says, "Well, let me tell you a little story.
I was walking along a beach one day, and I come across this lamp.
I rub it, and a genie popped out.
I got three wishes, so my first wish was to be fabulously wealthy.

Then I wished for a harem. You can see I got both."
The barman asks, "So what about that little guy in your jacket?"
"Oh, that," mumbles the rich guy. "That's the twelve-inch prick I wished for."

Two fonts walk into a line dance club. The barman says to them, "Get out. We don't serve your type here."

A brunette walks into a bar and says, "Gimme an M L."

The bartender says, "What's an M L?"

The brunette says, "A Miller Light."

Another brunette walks in and says, "Gimme a B L"

The bartender says, "What's a B L?"

She says, "Bud Light."

A dumb blonde walks in and says, "Gimme a 15."

The bartender says, "What's a fifteen?"

The blonde says, "7&7, duh!"

Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
→ She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
→ "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"

A bloke walks into a pub, and asks for a pint of Adenosinetriphosphate.
The barman says "That'll be 80p [ATP]!"

What happened when the barman died?
→ The police held an inn-quest

How do barmen surf the web?
→ On the Gin-ternet.