Newest jokes

Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other:

- Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?

→ The other replies:

- That was no piccolo, that was my fife.

How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison?
→ Shoot one.

What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?
→ Root position cords.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
→ A flat minor.

How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say:

- I could've done that.

How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done, everyone says that his last light bulb was much better.

A movie producer is lying by the pool at the Beverly Hilton. His partner arrives in a great state of excitement.

- How'd the meeting go? - asks the first guy.

- It went great - says his buddy.

- Tarentino will write and direct for six million, Mel Gibson will star for eight, and we can bring in the whole picture for under fifty million.

- Fabulous - says the guy by the pool.

- There's just one catch - his partner warns.

- What's the catch?

- We have to put up ten thousand in cash.

Why do mice have long tails ?
→ Well, they'd look silly with long hair !