Newest jokes

Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.

Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.
Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.

Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending 50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.

Republicans say:

- Merry Christmas!

Democrats say:

- Happy Holidays!

- All our pigs are learning karate.

- Oh, I don't believe that

- No? Well, just watch out for their chops.

A pig's favorite movie:
The Monster That Ate New York.

A city child came running into the farmhouse.

- No wonder that mama pig is so big - she yelled.

- There's a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!

What do you call a pig with three eyes?
→ A piiig

Why did the pig go to the casino ?
→ To play the slop machine !

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.

Someone dialed 911.

When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

- It was enough to make anybody faint - he said.

- My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower.