Newest jokes

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire?
→ A very witch person.

A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon.

Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded:

- If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!

The wife replied:

- My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place.

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:

Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said:

- Why did you put up such a fight?

To which the man promptly replied:

- I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!

There was this General-in-training, and his superioirs were asking him questions:

- What happened on June 6, 1944?

- We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!

- What was the turining point of wordl war 2?

- Battle of the bulge, sir!

- What's is the importance of May 12

The Man thought and thought:

- I don't know, sir!

The superior then said:

- Well, I'll tell your wife that you forgot her birhtday

During an army basic training, the lieutenant took the batch on a match and asked each of them where home was.
After everyone had answered, he sneered and said:

- you are all wrong, the army is now your home.

Back at the barracks, he read the evening duties, then asked the first sergeant if he had anything to say:

- you bet I do - the sergeant replied.

- men, while you were gone today, I found beds improperly made, clothes not hanging correctly, shoes not shined and footlockers a mess.

Where do you think you are? Home?

A retired sergeant was asked:

- Well, how do you like civilian life?

- Terrible - he said gruffly.

- all those people around and nobody in charge!

General Heath, a famous lover of parade music and marching drill ceremonies, once listened to a symphonic orchestra playing.
When asked about his impressions, he commented:

- No military precision in drill...

- Why?

- Did you see those violin players? They were moving their bows not in cadence.

What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?
→ If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my mother," he will ask "Why do you say that?" while a psychologist will say "Thank you for sharing that with us."

A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: "That's his problem."