Newest jokes

- Do you love me?

- Of course

- Then whisper something soft and sweet in my ear

- Lemon meringue pie!

Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow.
When I woke up my pillow was gone!

What do you call a bell wearing a tutu?
→ A bellerina!

Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener?
→ He had a bee in his suit of armour!

What do you call a guard with a hundred legs?
→ A sentrypede.

Did you hear about the man in the electric chair who asked the executioner to reverse the charges?

Why did the teacher decide to become an electrician?
→ To get a bit of light relief.

What is the most breathless thing on television?
→ The Pink Panter Show!

What do you use to cut the ocean?
→ A seasaw

The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up.

- Have you ever been x-rayed? - asked the doctor.

- Nope, - she replied - But ah've been ultra-violated.