Newest jokes

That Scottish couple finally worked out a solution to the eternal love triangle.

They ate the sheep.

What did the Jewish paedophile say to the little boy after luring him into his car?
→ Hey, go easy on those fucking sweets.

How is Christmas celebrated in a Jewish home?
→ They put parking meters on the roof!

A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt.

- Reach up there and find out.

She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said:

- Oh, it's gruesome!

- Aye, it has - replied the Scotsman.

- and if you put your hand back up there, it'll grow some more!

35 People and an Irishman were in a 4 engine jumbo jet heading over the Pacific Ocean. Suddenly, a Message is announced:

- Ladies and Gentlemen Engine #2 has Died, We will be 30 mins late

- Damn! - Said the Irishman. 10 mins later:

- I'm sorry people Engine #3 has died, We'll be 1 hour late

20 mins later:

- Every one, engine # 4 has died, sorry, We'll be 2 hours late

Suddenly the Irish man speaks out:

- Bloody hell, If the last engine goes we'll be stuck up here all day!!

A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder. "I am so obsessed with my mother... As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up in such a state, all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast." The psychiatrist replies: "What, just one piece of toast, for a big boy like you?"

What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a redneck divorce all have in common?
→ Someone's going to lose their trailer...

A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play.

- What part? - the mother asked.

- I play a Jewish husband - the boy replied.

- Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I got this great Polish Joke..." The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: "Before you go telling that joke you better know that I'm Polish, both bouncers are Polish and so are most of my customers" "Okay" says the customer, "I'll tell it very slowly."

Two Scotsmen met 25 years after their last get-together. They hugged and slapped each others back and tears formed in their eyes as they renewed their old friendship.

- Let's have a drink like we did in the old days - the first Scot winked at his mate.

- Aye - his mate replied.

- And don't forget it's your shout.