Newest jokes

What is the last thing each Tickle Me Elmo doll receives before he leaves the factory?
→ Two Test Tickles

What is the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box?
→ A wicker basket is what little red riding hood took to grandma's house.
→ A wicker box is what Elmer Fudd did to little red riding hood.

On Jeopardy...

- Trebek: The category is "Political Subversion". The answer is: This entity is dedicated to the destruction of religion, morality, and the American way of life.

- Player: What is the KGB?

- Trebek: Be more specific.

- Player: What is PBS?

- Trebek: Right!

What is your date of birth?
→ July fifteenth.

What year?
→ Every year.

Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
→ We both do.

Voodoo?
→ We do.

You do?
→ Yes, voodoo.

- Father: Did Paul bring you home last night?

- Daughter: Yes, it was late. Daddy. Did the noise disturb you?

- Father: No, My Dear, it wasn't the noise. It was the silence.

A partially deaf gentleman was extolling the virtues of his new hearing aid.

- It's marvelous - he enthused to a friend.

- Since I acquired it I can hear the birds chirping on the hearth. I can also hear clearly a conversation being held in an apartment a full block away!

- You don't say - said his friend.

- What kind is it?

The proud owner consulted his wristwatch and answered:

- Twenty minutes after two.

What's brown and sticky?
→ A stick.

Have you ever wondered why you wonder why?

I used to wonder why, but now I don't wonder why I wonder why.

I wonder why I don't wonder why anymore?

There were these three morticians talking about their greatest feats. The first one says, "I had this soldier who stepped on a land mine. Took me three days to get him ready for an open casket funeral!!" The next guy says, "oh yeah? I had this construction worker fall 15 stories, then he got run over by a steam roller, but I had him ready for an open casket funeral in two days!!!" The third guy sulks in the corner, "man. both y'all got me beat. I had this lady parachutist who landed on the empire state building. it took me four days just to get the grin off her face."