During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
- Doctor, I just can't undress in front of you.
- All right, I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through.
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness:
- Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?
- Put them on the chair, on top of mine.
A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says:
- I wish you had a flashlight.
He says:
- Why's that?
She says:
- Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes.
A furrier from the US goes to Helsinki to buy furs.
He arranges for a hooker to be sent to his room.
When they're done, he said:
- I'm afraid my Finnish isn't too good.
The hooker replied:
- Your foreplay ain't all that hot either.
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic??
→ It is known how many went down on the Titanic.
A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex.
- Back ladies, back! - cried the leader.
- There's a very dangerous beast out there!
But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing.
- Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!
- WOW! - exclaimed the oldest of the group.
- I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!
While attending a spelling session in school one day, the teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB.
Darla raises her hand and says:
- I can, I can.
The teacher replies:
- OK, go ahead Darla...
Darla replies:
- D-U-M-B.
The teacher replies:
- Very good, and can you use that word in a sentence?
Darla replies:
- Sure, Buckwheat is very DUMB.
The teacher replies:
- OK, well can anyone spell the word STUPID?
Again, Darla raises her hand, and the teacher replies:
- OK, go ahead Darla.
Darla replies:
- S-T-U-P-I-D.
The teacher replies:
- Very good, and can you use that word in a sentence?
Darla replies:
- Sure, Buckwheat is very STUPID.
The teacher replies:
- OK, well let's continue, can anyone spell the word DICTATE?
No one raises their hand, so the teacher asks Buckwheat if he can spell the word DICTATE.
Buckwheat replies:
- Sure, D-I-C-T-A-T-E.
The teacher replies:
- Very good Buckwheat, and can you use that word in a sentence?
Buckwheat replies:
- Sure I can. I may be DUMB and I may be STUPID, but Darla says my DICTATE good.
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says:
- Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.
She replies:
- If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436.
A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting.
He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, obligingly cranked the window down, and said:
- Yes, Officer?
- What are you doing? - the policeman asked.
- What does it look like? - answered the young man.
- I'm reading this magazine.
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked:
- And what is she doing?
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied:
- I think she's knitting a sweater.
Confused, the officer asked:
- How old are you, young man?
- I'm nineteen - he replied.
- And how old is she? - asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said:
- Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen.
Have you heard about the new orgasm pill just approved by the FDA for women?
It comes with a 16 inch applicator.
The young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said:
- Just how much is that watch?
- It's $2000, ma'am.
- Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?
- Just what sort of 'time schedule' did you have in mind?
- I was thinking two times a week for the next two months.
