You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there?
→ He's the one with a duck.
How do you know if an Italian is there?
→ He bet on the duck.
How do you know if the Mafia is there?
→ The duck wins.
Why did the Polak put ice in his condom?
→ To keep the swelling down.
POLISH MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY FOR THE LAYMAN
Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy points to it and says:
- Mummy, what is that long thing?
His mother replies:
- That son, is the elephant's trunk.
- No, at the other end.
- That son is the tail.
- No, mummy, the thing under the elephant.
A short embarrassed silenced after which she replies:
- Thats nothing.
The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied with her answer asks his father the same question:
- Daddy, what is that long thing?
- That's the trunk, son - replies the father.
- No at the other end.
- Oh, that is the tail.
- No, no daddy, the thing below - asks the son in desperation.
- That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?
- Well mummy said it was nothing - says the boy.
Replies the father:
- I tell you, I spoil that woman ...
Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
→ Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin!
Why did the Polak cross the road?
→ He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
The Minnesota Fish and Game Comission wanted to develop a fish that would offer more for their sportsmen so they crossed a Coho with a Walleye and called it a Kowal.
It grew to a nice size and reproduced well but it wouldn't bite. They crossed the Kowal with a Muskie and called it a Kowalski but it was so stupid they had to teach it how to swim.
These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other:
- We'll have to come back here tomorrow!
The other asks:
- But how will we remember where this spot is?
The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says:
- We'll just look for this X tomorrow.
The other guy says:
- You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?
Did you hear in the news that a 747 recently crashed in a cemetery in Poland?
The Polish officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies
A Pole, English, and French guy are running away from the German soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree. When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout:
- We know you're up there; come down.
The English guy, thinking fast, says:
- Twit, twit, twit...
The Germans, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout:
- We know you're up there; come down.
The French guy, thinking fast, says:
- Woo, woo, woo...
The Germans, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout:
- We know you're up there; come down.
The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says:
- Moo, moo, moo...
