Newest jokes

An English guy is driving with a Polish guy as his passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspect that his turn signal may not be working.

He asks the Polish guy if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the lights while he tests them. The Polish guy steps out and stands in front of the car.

The English guy turns on the turn signal and asks:

- Is it working?

To which the Polish guy responds:

- Yes, it's working....

- No, it's not working....

- Yes, it's working....

- No, it's not working....

After WWII, two Poles returned to their destroyed village to locate the first one's wife. Going through the rubble, Victor came across a dismembered arm and called over:

- Hey, Stanley, wasn't this Anya's arm? I think this is the wristwatch you gave her.

- I dunno, Victor - said Stanley, and they continued the search.

A little while later, Victor came across a severed leg.

- Stanley, couldn't this be part of Anya? She had great legs.

Stanley shrugged and they walked on.

Finally the energetic Victor came across a woman's head, which he held out at arm's length for his friend's inspection.

- Nope - said Stanley at last.

- Anya was a lot taller.

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Polak, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German:

- What do you want on your back for your whipping?

The German responds:

- I will take oil!

So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polak:

- What do you want on your back?

- I will take nothing! - says the Polak, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.

- What will you take on your back? - the Amazons ask the American.

He responds:

- I'll take the Polak!

How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
→ They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving!

What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill?
→ They stop delivering.

This Polak came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting:

- honey I am home!

What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife.

Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing.

- Don't laugh! - he screams.

- You're next!

An elephant is walking through the jungle when she gets a thorn in her foot. She is in absolute agony until an ant strolls by. So the elephant says:

- Help me, help me.

But the ant refuses unless the elephants agrees to let the ant have his wicked way with her.

Replies the elephant:

- Anything! Anything!

So, out comes the thorn and up gets the ant and proceeds to enjoy himself. Meanwhile, in a tree directly above them, a monkey, who witnessed the whole episode, was in knots of laughter. Consequently he fell out of the tree on top of the elephant.

Says the elephant:

- Ouch!

Says the ant, in his own little frenzy:

- Suffer BITCH, SUFFER!!!

How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?
→ He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt.

How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
→ Turn off the carousel.

A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance.

- I will give you three questions - said the coach.

- If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the team.

- Fair enough! - said the Polak eagerly.

The coach proceeded:

- Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'

Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said:

- So how many days in the week that start with 'T'?

The Polak said:

- Two!

- Very good! - said the coach.

- And what are they?

- Today and Tomorrow!

- Hmm... OK - said the coach.

- How many seconds are there in a year?

- Twelve!

- Twelve? How did you come up with twelve? The coach was perplexed.

- Well - said the Polak.

- there's the second of January, the second of February, the second of...

- Um.. OK - broke in the coach.

- How many d's in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'

- Oh, that is easy! - laughed the Polak.

- Three hundred and sixty-five!

- WHAT? - cried the coach.

- How did you get that figure?

To which the Polak sang:

- dee dee dee-dee-dee dee-dee....