Newest jokes

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ Two...but I don't know how they'd get in there!

How do you drown a blonde?
→ Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool!

Why do Lawyers smell?
→ So the blind can hate them, too!

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess:

- I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me.

- One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying:

- I don't think so.

A blonde's house is on fire. She calls 911 and says:

- My house is on fire.

The dispatcher says:

- Well, can you tell me how we get there?

- Duhhhh, in the big red trucks, of course.

God made oceans, God made lakes,
God made NSYNC but hey, we all make mistakes!!!!

Where does Bill Clinton have sex?
→ In the oral office.

And once again the low self-esteem therapy group meets here at the Salvation Army Hall next Tuesday at 3.00 P.M. Remember that we prefer if you would use the back entrance.

A grasshopper walks into a bar and says:

- Bartender, give me a drink.

The bartender can't believe his eyes and says:

- Oh my Gosh, I can't believe this, you're a talking grasshopper!

- Do you know we have drink named after you?

The Grasshopper replies:

- You have a drink named Steve?

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

God comes and says:

- I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said:

- You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?

And the man replied:

- I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.