Newest jokes

Otis, Henry, and Tom were sitting in a bar discussing their wives. Henry started by saying:

- I think my wife is fooling around on me. I went home the other day and found a hammer and a saw under our bed. I think she is cheatin' on me with a carpenter!

Tom answered:

- Ya, I think my wife is not faithful either. The other day I went home and found a pipe wrench and some pipes under my bed. I think she is cheatin' on me with a plumber!

Otis then joins in and says:

- Well, if you think that's bad, I've got one for ya. I went home yesterday and found a cowboy under my bed. I think my Lina is cheatin' on me with a horse!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To show the squirrel it CAN be done!

Did you ever hear about Blitzen the Brown nosed reindeer?
→ He is twice as fast as Rudolf but doesn't stop as quick!

What do you get when you cut a banana in two?
→ A BANANA SPLIT!

Harry says to his pet parrot Smitty:

- What do you want for your birthday?

Smitty says:

- I want to get laid.

So Harry takes Smitty to a parrot whore house, gives him a hundred bucks, and Smitty goes upstairs with a hot-looking parrot whore.

After a few minutes, Harry hears really loud screeching and squawking, so he runs upstairs and into the room.

There's Smitty, holding down the whore parrot and yanking out her colorful feathers.

- Smitty, what the hell are you doing? - says Harry.

Smitty says:

- For a hundred bucks I want her nude!

Your momma is like a doorknob - everyone gets a turn!

A young West Virginian girl wanted to go to college at UVA. But her father said:

- No Way! You're going to By-God West Virginia Univ.

Well she got her way and she went to UVA. The first semester went by, and she wrote home that she was getting married to a man from Richmond, VA named Clarence. Her father said:

- I'll be damned if my daughter is marrying a man from Richmond. You're marrying a By-God West Virginian boy.

So he sent his two sons to UVA to get their sister. In a couple of days they returned. Dad said:

- Where is your sister?

They replied:

- We were almost there Daddy, and we came up on this overpass that had this sign that read - 'Clarence 13'6"' - so we turned around and got the hell out of there!

What do you call a bull in the middle of a field spanking his monkey?
→ Beef Stroganoff

Why did the toad cross the road?
→ TO Show his girlfriend he has GUTS!

Why can't girls play hockey?
→ Because they have to change their pads every period!