Accordion Jokes

An accordion is a bagpipe with pleats.

What is the definition of an optimist?
→ An accordion player with a pager.

What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
→ The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

What do accordion players use as a contraceptive?
→ Their personalities.

What's the range of an accordion?
→ Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!

What's a gentleman?
→ Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.

What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?
→ No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

What's the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?
→ Terrorists have sympathisers.

What's the definition of perfect pitch?
→ When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.

What's the difference between an accordion and a concertina?
→ The accordion takes longer to burn.

How do you protect a valuable instrument?
→ Hide it in an accordion case.

What's an accordion good for?
→ Learning how to fold a map.

What's the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion?
→ A chainsaw can be tuned.

Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
→ So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.