Goofy Excuses

Next time you're invited to a boring social event, try one of these excuses to why you can't attend:

I'D LOVE TO BUT......

- I don't want to leave my comfort zone.

- I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.

- I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.

- I have to fluff my shower cap.

- I have to fulfill my potential.

- I left my body in my other clothes.

- I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.

- I'll be looking for a parking space.

- I'm being deported.

- I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.

- I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.

- I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.

- I'm sandblasting my oven.

- I'm taking a crash course in punk totem pole carving.

- I'm worried about my vertical hold.

- I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.

- I've got a Friends of the Rutabaga meeting.

- it's too close to the turn of the century.

- my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.

- my plot to take over the world is thickening.

- my subconscious says no.

- none of my socks match.

- the grunion are running.

- the last time I went, I never came back.

- the monsters haven't turned blue yet; I have to eat more dots.