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Why did God create man before woman?
→ He didn't want any advice.

When was the longest day in the Bible?
→ The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.

Why didn't Noah go fishing?
→ He only had two worms!

Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'?
→ The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!

One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.

He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was.

She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom.

His mother smiled and said 'The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid'. The little boy opened the back door a little and said 'Lord if you're out there, hand me the broom'.

A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?' The priest replies 'My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and comtempt for your fellow man'

'Well I'll be darned' the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper.

The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologised. 'I'm sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had…

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, 'Mike, you wait here, I'm going to run in for confession, it's been a long time'.

Pat enters the confessional and says, 'Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman'.

The priest asks, 'was it Mrs Murphy'? 'no, Father', was the reply.

'Was it Mrs O'Boyle'? Again the reply was 'No, Father'.

'Was it Mrs. O'Grady'? Pat said, Father, I'll not be teling you the lady's name!

So the priest told him to say two Hail Mary's for each time he had sinned with the woman.

Back on the street, Mike said, 'Well, how did you do'? Pat said, 'Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects'!

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.

Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"

The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."

Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure, ok."

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

- Why shouldn't I?

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

- Like what?

- Well ... are you religious or atheist?

- Religious.

- Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?

- Christian.

- Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?

- Protestant.

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.
Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Two bishops were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world.

"I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married," said one clergyman self-righteously, "Did you?"

"I don't know," said the other. "What was her maiden name?"

Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
→ When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
→ Because in Job 16:12 we read, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me."

Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
→ The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
→ Moses. Because he broke all 10 commandments; at once.

What is the best way to get to Paradise?
→ Turn right and go straight.

What do they call pastors in Germany?
→ German Shepherds.

Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
→ The thought had never entered his head before.

Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
→ David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
→ Your mother ate us out of house and home.

What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
→ They really raised Cain.

How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?
→ They were really put out.

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
→ In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
→ Samson. He brought the house down.

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
→ 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."