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Why did the auditor cross the road?
→ Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

What does FCPA stand for?
→ Finally Caught Pinching the Assets

What does CPA stand for?
→ Can't Produce Anything

What would Economics be without assumptions?
→ Accounting

How do you know when an accountant's on holidays?
→ He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in after 8.30.

Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?
→ They can wear casual clothes to work

When do accountants laugh out loud?
→ When somebody asks for a raise

How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft?
→ When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No

What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
→ Lost

There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count and those who can't.

How do you know accountants have no imagination?
→ They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.

What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?
→ His desk is level

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
→ Depreciation.

Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party:

- .......and ninthly...

The accountant's prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time.

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?
→ It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait......

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
→ Go into town and gang-audit someone.

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
→ Go into town and gang-audit someone.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
→ Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?
→ Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

What's the definition of unlikely?
→ A photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's Top Accountants - Nude!'.

What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone?
→ Popular

What's an extroverted accountant?
→ One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

What does an accountant use for birth control?
→ His personality.

What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
→ Invite an accountant.